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The Grace of God. It changes our eternity from misery to glory. We’re transformed from guilty to forgiven, from condemned to set free, from fearful to hopeful. But does grace really work in every part of life? Some would say no, that its place is in the spiritual, eternal, religious part of our existence. 

I disagree. While grace’s greatest impact is that it reconciles us to God and accesses spiritual and eternal blessings for us, there is no boundary that grace cannot cross. Grace works in every setting, every relationship, every crisis. 

I’m a husband, father, grandfather and healthcare administrator, and I can say from experience that grace is the best approach in all those areas of my life.

From the time grace was introduced by Jesus and His apostles, the assumption of some has been that it doesn’t change behavior, but reinforces bad behavior, since forgiveness can be expected. Thus Paul’s: Shall we go on sinning that grace may abound? God forbid! While there’s certainly the option of continuing with bad behavior, God has taken the approach of motivating for good behavior through heart-change (being grateful for forgiveness motivates us for good behavior). And we should do the same: give grace and trust God’s grace in people to bring about goodness. 

The best description of grace we find is in the love chapter, 1^st Corinthians 13. Agape love (the love God has for us) is the same as grace. In that description, the word always is used several times. Always trusts…always hopes…always perseveres… That means agape is unconditional; regardless of the response, or lack thereof, of the recipient, the agape-love giver gives agape-love. They give grace. 

In the aforementioned roles I fill in my life, I find that people respond to grace in surprisingly positive ways.

Two common misconceptions about grace, though, are that it’s the opposite of discipline, and that there can be no consequences in grace. 

Paul’s letter to the Galatians dispels the first of those erroneous ideas: Do not be deceived; God is not mocked: for whatever you sow, that you shall also reap. And that verse is contained in the letter clarifying the preeminence of grace over the law.

And Hebrews addresses the second issue: The Lord disciplines those He loves. And He punishes each one He accepts as a child. 

Important truths to understand are: 1)  God oversees the reaping of seed sown, which He does within His system of grace, and He can be trusted to show us kindness in the process and to ultimately work it all for our good; and 2) God’s discipline is also carried out in the context of grace, which means He reminds us, by His Spirit within us, that our consequences are part of His loving plan of grace.

The application of all this is this. Do these things as you employ God’s grace in the various setting in you life (marriage, parenting, etc.):

1. Trust grace and those to whom you give it that they’ll ultimately be grateful for it and it will ultimately motivate them for good.

2. If you use discipline or consequences in response to people’s actions, be sure to communicate very gently that you’re doing it as a part of the loving grace which you’ve received from God and now relay to others. 

Do these things and you’ll find that, yes, grace really does work.

This was difficult for me to write because it hit so many nerves from my own upbringing. Sorry so much of this is ridiculous. I hope you can see just how backwards this thinking is, and that it can ultimately help your parenting perspective.

1. Don’t worry about treating them fairly. Fairness isn’t something kids can judge, anyway. If you happen to be unfair, they don’t really know what fair is, so they have no reference. In other words, they don’t know what they’re missing, so don’t be concerned with being fair to them. Life certainly won’t be. 

The Truth: Kids are very perceptive and know when they’re being treated unfairly. It hurts their heart to be undervalued. In fact, they see it as being unloved. And the painful reality is that they’re probably right.

2. Speak harshly to them. The world will be harsh, so we might as well prepare the kid for the world they’ll be going into soon. Handling children with kid gloves doesn’t make them resilient; it makes them soft and sets them up for destruction. 

The Truth: What a person needs most from their parents is love. And while a harsh parent may claim tough love, the most effective expression of love is kindness. Once out in a harsh world, remembering their parents’ kind expression of love will strengthen them far more than any harshness they got from them.

3. Use public settings to humiliate them. Embarrassment can be a real motivator. Dress them down, berate them, and even discipline them physically in front of other people, especially outside immediate family. They’ll hate it but one day appreciate how helpful it was to teach them lessons through public humiliation. 

The Truth: The saying about adding insult to injury is a negative one that definitely applies to training up children. Kids will one day appreciate loving discipline, even if it’s painful. But a public slap in the face – literally or figuratively – will never be appreciated, nor should it be.

4. Make it clear you don’t believe in them and never will until they prove themselves. It doesn’t make sense that parents would believe in their kids unless the kids have earned it, right? I mean, they need to get used to earning what they get, even people believing in them. 

The Truth: The New Testament teaches us that real agape-love (the kind God has for us, the kind that requires nothing in return) “always hopes.” Meaning we’ll believe in someone we love, even if they never prove their worthiness. 

5. Give zero attention to what they complain about. Children are to be listeners, not talkers. They have to learn to be seen and not heard. Listening to their complaining reinforces their negativity; demanding their silence teaches them self-control. 

The Truth: Listening to someone helps us understand them, and you’ll never be a good parent without understanding your kids. 

6. Let them know that God is judge and they’ll feel His wrath if they screw up. God is the ultimate dealer of consequences. Kids had better learn to please Him, otherwise they’ll experience His wrath. 

The Truth: If that’s your understanding of God, your kid’s in trouble and so are you. Teach your kids the grace of God, and if you don’t understand it, for Christ’s sake get to know Him and all He’s done for all of us by His grace and through His loving-kindness.

Anger in the heart of a child breeds rebellion, foolishness and destruction. Beware. And help them be who God wants them to be.

Two things. One, when you write a weekly blog, you decide the topic and content every time, and if you want to write something personal to your grandson, who’s gonna stop you? Two, grandparents love having connections with their grandkids, any connection, anything that links you with them. For the grandparents reading this, I know you understand.

So, Leo, happy birthday, buddy! You’re turning six, but you’ve really had only one birthday with your second one still two years away. 

We’ve all told you this, Leo, but you don’t really get it yet, we can tell.

Most readers have figured out, Leo, that you were born on leap day. Your parents make February 28^th special for you every non-leap year, and this year is no exception. 

Throughout your life, you’ll have to put up with people saying things like, you’ve been alive forty years but you’re only ten years old. Pretty sure I can tell already that you won’t be annoyed by things like that; you’ll just laugh with them. That’s actually a connection you and I have. We like trying to make people laugh and usually end up laughing ourselves. You’re hilarious, Leo, and I’m so glad God made you my grandson, so we can have a blast just laughing together. 

Another connection we have is that we both have the middle name Gabriel. When I was your age, I didn’t like my name. But when I grew up and learned what it means, I kind of liked it. Gabriel means Strength of God or God is my strength. I think it’s pretty cool that every time someone says our middle name, they’re declaring us to be made strong by the very strength of God.

Something else we have in common, something that connects us, is that we’re the second oldest of the kids in our families. That means we’re both a big brother and a little brother. Yes, we’re a middle child and we have some of those common traits, like not settling for being overlooked. But we’re close enough to the oldest child, in age to our oldest sibling to compete with them and to see up close the example they set for us. We’re also positioned to be close friends with the oldest of our siblings.

We do have a few differences. You’re one of four kids and I’m one of five. I have one brother and three sisters, and you have two brothers and one sister. 

Getting back to common connections, you’re being brought up to love God and I was, too. I just hope you take better advantage of that training than I did.

There is one thing – actually two – that you have on me: I never was as handsome or as smart as you are. 

And then another thing in common: you like tennis also. And it’s my privilege to give you your first racket for your birthday this year. I look forward to hitting tennis balls with you, buddy.

One last thing I’ll mention that we have in common, and this is HUGE: I too, had a very cool grandfather. 

Everybody now:

Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Leo Gabriel! Happy Birthday to you!

Happy birthday, buddy! I’m glad you’re my grandson!

Would you prefer your spouse be enraptured with strong, emotional, passionate love for you – love largely befallen them beyond their control – or that they have an intentional, committed love for you – a choice they make everyday to be patient, kind and affectionate?

Everybody wants to be in love, to have strong feelings of attraction for their spouse who has a matching love for them. If we can have that kind of mutual love, we’re happy and feel extremely blessed. 

But if we had to choose between the two, wouldn’t it be better to have a spouse committed to love us regardless of circumstances or what they felt like on any given day?

Granted, both kinds of love would be ideal, but one (the emotional kind) is out of our control. Our goal should be to have the kind of love we can choose, not just the kind that may or may not supervene us. 

When Jesus commanded us to love He spoke of a love we can choose, not one that may or may not choose us. And our spouse is, above all people, the one who needs this love from us.

Speaking of kinds of love and degrees of love, Jesus said nobody will have greater love than that love that would compel us to lay down our lives for our friend (for example, our best friend, our spouse). 

Jesus laid down His life for us, His friends, and He calls us to lay down our will and preferences daily for the good of our spouse. 

That’s two senses – 1) choice-love over feeling-love and 2) laying-life-down love over gratifying our own desires – in which one love can be greater than another. 

But there is a third angle from which to view the idea of greater love: make sure your spouse doesn’t out-love you. This is one of the ways competition can be productive. 

Jesus’ final conversation with Simon Peter before He ascended into Heaven was Him challenging Peter to compete with his fellow apostles. Do you love Me more than these? Peter accepted the challenge and we see him stepping up a few days later to lead the disciples in the first acts the infant church of Christ Jesus would make. He acted and spoke from a heart of choice-love for Jesus as he looked after His lambs. 

Spouses, we can also step up our choice-love game and lead the way in marital love. 

We can have, in many ways, greater love.

May it be so.

You’re in a standoff. Spouse against spouse. You have to win this fight. Things have to go your way this time. A lot rides on this situation. Precedent will be set. Positions of power will be set. Principles will be laid down for this marriage. 

You have to win. And you won’t rest until you do. You don’t want any more sleepless nights. It’s time to put an end to this. To attain the victory and carry off its spoils. 

Here are three Scriptures you need. But don’t be surprised. Victory will not look like you think it will. 

1. I beg you, brothers and sisters, agree with one another. (1 Corinthians 1:10) That’s right, the victory for your disagreement is found only when you come into agreement.

2. How can two walk together unless they agree? (Amos 3:3) I chose this verse not only to reinforce the 1 Corinthians one, but also to give you a logic-based motivation to remember that the best scenario for your post-argument marriage years (And believe me, there is good life ahead for your marriage with this plan.) You will walk together. But oh what an unpleasant walk it will be unless you step into agreement. You’re right in saying this situation will set precedent and lay the groundwork for the path you’ll be taking. But it isn’t the dominance of one spouse over another, especially if you’re the dominant one. It must be agreement that becomes the precedent.  Stated succinctly, the only victory in a marriage argument is when spouses come into agreement. 

3. Humble yourself under God’s mighty hand and He will exalt you in due time. (1 Peter 5:6) This verse takes us into the how-to of coming into agreement. And the DIY of an overcoming type of agreement is to humble yourself. Humility happens when we lower ourselves beneath others. And the two most important others to position ourselves beneath are God and our spouse. It’s by humility that we soften the heart of our spouse. And it’s by humility that we soften our own heart. Only soft, caring hearts can repent, and repentance is what it takes to move from standoff to agreement, thereby gaining victory in our marriage fight. Two softened hearts preferring one another, relinquishing the stance of battle and taking on the stance of victory through humility, agreement and marital unity. In due time – at exactly the right time – God will exalt you to the place of marital victory and success, which is agreement and unity with your spouse.

So, go forth in victory. Surrender. It’s only through surrender, humility and agreement that you’ll win this marriage fight. And marriage wins are always win-win. You never win if your spouse loses.

When I was about sixteen or seventeen, my dad sent me to town one day during planting season.

“Gabe, I need you to go to Agri-supply to get [so-and-so] bags of fertilizer.” 

“Ok.” I was always happy to drive a truck somewhere; much better than one of the many more physically demanding jobs on the farm. 

“And while you’re in town, go by [such-and-such] and get a few so-and-sos]. And you might as well swing by [what-cha-ma-call-it] and get a [thing-a-ma-jig].”

“Yes sir.” I took in the whole list of items but mostly thought what a nice break it was going to be driving our flatbed truck to town and back; plus, it had a good radio. This was the late seventies – the golden years of rock, R & B and all genres of pop music.

That was about forty-five years ago, so I don’t remember many details of the errand. What I do remember is the heart-panic I felt half-way back home as I realized I had run all the small item errands but forgot to get the load of fertilizer. My dad would be furious, I thought, when I get home a half hour or so after I should have.

I turned the truck around, went and got the fertilizer and got back home. I don’t remember being in trouble, so it must not have been as terrible a mistake as I feared.

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I have a real soft spot in my heart for Jewish people. They’re uniquely special in the eyes of God, but have gone through as great a persecution historically as any people have. There was Egypt, then Assyria, then Babylon, then Persia, then Greece, then Rome. Then fast forward to the twentieth century to the unmentionable treatment they endured at the hands of Nazi Germany. And I haven’t even mentioned the social discrimination all cultures, historic and modern alike. 

What hurts my heart most about so many Jewish people is what they, themselves, have missed out on. 

The main reason – The Main Thing – why God chose Abraham, Isaac and Jacob’s seed as the descendants of promise, gave them the Law of Moses and established David as the father of an eternal throne is so they could receive the gift of eternal life through the greatest Jew of all, the Son of God, the Jewish Messiah, Jesus Christ.

Keeping the Law, honoring the patriarchs and venerating David, as weighty acts as they all are, are not the main thing. The Main Thing – the reason for the lineage, the Law and the nation – is Jesus!

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God created the earth, the heavens and all things on the earth, everything that lives on land, in water and in the sky. Then He said “Let us make mankind in Our image. He made the man but said it wasn’t good enough, so He made a woman.

So, the trinity – three that make one – beheld what was almost their image. Then when God went over and became the third person in the marriage relationship, God had, in a sense, replicated Himself. 

A married couple, as long as they make Jesus the center of their marriage and family, is the most accurate image of God possible.

But they have to keep Jesus in the center, make Him The Main Thing. That’s the way He intended marriage to be from its inception.

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So, what do marriage, the Jews and a run to town for fertilizer have in common?

All three show the importance of keeping the main thing the main thing.

For Jews, for married couples and even for a farm boy on a run to town, what’s the main thing?

It’s Jesus!

My main point is to current and future married couples: Keep Jesus – The Main Thing – The Main Thing!

Every good parent wants to see their child succeed. But not all parents know how to help. 

Here are three keys to remember and use:

1. Build their confidence. There are three essentials to giving your child the confidence they need. First, you need to believe in them, yourself. Kids are very perceptive and can tell when you genuinely believe in them versus when you’re puffing them up with flattery. Second, help them succeed at something similar. There’s nothing like success to breed future success. David’s confidence against Goliath came in large part from having defeated the lion and the bear. The past success has to be genuine (real), not a set up by making it far easier than the upcoming challenge. Third, speak life into their heart. Remind them of the truths about them, some that come from scripture and some from their experiences; the reminders should be positive and something they can believe and remember during their challenge. 

2. Help them build advantages. Many parents do some combination of cheering on and berating their child during the challenge the kid is facing, in response to their performance. I often wonder if the parent is so naïve to think any of that helps very much. I believe some are gullible enough to think that kind of input gives their child an advantage. But if they stop and look around, they’ll see most other kids’ parents are doing the same thing. The time and place to build advantage is privately before the challenge. If you, the parent are dissatisfied with your kid’s performance, be patient and determine to prepare them with advantages for their next challenge. 

3. Help them trust God. This is the most important one, and should be first chronologically. Try to get these three ideas in their heads: 1) God cares about everything in your life and wants to be involved in all of it. 2) There is much that only God can control, and He loves for us to pray about it and trust Him with it. 3) God can help your part of the endeavor succeed and wants you to request such. 

Two other thoughts. First, all these keys your kid can continue to use going into their future; your use of them serves as a model for them as well as a way to help them in their current challenge. Second, helping them learn to involve and trust God will be a foundational building block for the most important thing in their lives, their relationship with Him. 

I hope you find these keys helpful. Most importantly, I hope your child experiences increased success because of them.

It seems like the most daunting task in existence, and it may very well be – helping a family member come to faith in Jesus Christ. 

Jesus, Himself, said that the most difficult place for a prophet to find honor is in His hometown. This assertion was punctuated when the Nazareth synagogue leader and townspeople tried to throw Jesus off a cliff for simply revealing who He was. 

Jesus somehow averted the crisis. (It wasn’t His time yet, and Nazareth wasn’t going to change God’s order and timing of events.)

The point is that the people most familiar with us can be the hardest to reach with the gospel. They have a built-in perspective of us as ordinary that clouds their view of the extraordinary truth we present about Jesus. They often have a false familiarity with Him and can’t seem to accept that He’s made us more than they’ve known us to be. Plus, in our case (unlike Jesus’) our past (and present) sins and mistakes compete with our message of eternal life in Christ. 

Their view of us may not even be the biggest obstacle between them and faith. The biggest hurdle for them to get over may be the fear of a relationship with God. They probably see Him as a judge who will be more focused on their sin than on giving them the freedom and power they need. 

The truth they need to understand is that they don’t need to be afraid. It’s certainly understandable, the fear of God as judge rather than the love for Him as savior. 

Something about Heaven, and any being from there, is terrifying to mortals. Every time I know of that God or one of His angels came to connect with a human the first words from the Heavenly were “Don’t be afraid.” Then they would present Heaven’s message. 

That’s what we need to do with our mortal family members as we try to share with them our Heavenly message. Don’t be afraid. You can trust God’s love for you, that He won’t hurt you, but will give you exactly the help you need. 

They probably fear their inability to live as God will require. To that, we say, all He requires is that you trust Him to help you; whatever else needs to be done beyond that, He will help you do. In fact, He practically does it for you…

You don’t think you can live up to His requirement? There are surprises in store for you:

Surprise #1 – He’ll place His Holy Spirit in your heart to whisper the helpful message you need every moment.

Surprise #2 – Any time you fail (sin) along the way, He already has grace in place to negate that failure. 

Let your non-believing family member know this: Walking with God will be much better than you think, so just trust Him. Don’t be afraid. 

Families who have tight unity among themselves understand unity’s value. And so do families ravaged by division. 

Maintaining family unity takes some skill, like conflict management, forgiveness, agreeing to disagree, patience and so forth. It may be that the most important factor is to understand and value unity. 

Jesus, God the Son who created the family and gave instructions for maintaining its integrity, told his disciples that, although He valued family members having peace with one another, it was for an even greater purpose that He came. 

Jesus’ mission was (and is) to deliver us from sin and reconcile us to God. If some family members accept Jesus while others reject Him, it presents a strong opportunity for division. 

Honoring father and mother stands near the apex of the most important commandments in the Law of Moses, yet Jesus supplanted it with the Law of Christ, which is simply to believe in Jesus Christ and follow His example of loving and forgiving others. 

So, if a person faces the choice between allegiance to parents, siblings or any other family member and God, they should choose God.

Christians shouldn’t be surprised when conflict arises within their family because they choose Christ while their opposing family member rejects Him.

The important thing – while they navigate the conflict and stand strong in their faith – is to be sure to love their adversarial family member, and to love them in a way that they understand their choice to follow Jesus increases, not decreases, the love they have for their family.

This can be tricky in a culture where people have the belief that love and disagreement cannot coexist. 

This is our opportunity. If we can get it across to family members with whom we disagree about the most  basic belief (how we view God and relate to Him) that we love them even when we differ in our worldview, we can actually be effective witnesses for the Lord to the people we love most.

Of course, our enemy sees an opportunity, too. He wants us divided and for God to be misunderstood, misrepresented and rejected.

So, as in all cases that involve the devil, spiritual warfare is the only way to victory. Spiritual warfare includes all of the following:

1. Prayer (pray for the person and your effectiveness in representing Jesus for them.)
2. God’s Word (Find, believe and confess in prayer the powerful relevant promises from Scripture.)
3. Jesus (Remember to never leave God out of the equation; the Holy Spirit indwelling believers provides whatever wisdom we need.)
4. Love (Communicating with and relating to family members without love will end in the opposite result from the one we want and God wants.)

So, don’t let the enemy surprise you; conflict is natural and is often a step on the journey to helping a family member find Jesus for themselves. Keep in mind the four ingredients above as you relate to unbelieving family members. And may you have success in leading your family from division to unity in Christ. 

“Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against—or two in favor and three against.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭12‬:‭51‬-‭52‬ ‭NLT‬‬

In case you’re a married person contemplating divorce, either you alone or you and your spouse, there are some things you need to know. 

If you’re facing a spouse threatening to end the marriage, these things could possibly help change their mind.  

1. Marriage was God’s idea. The first couple, God’s original humans, He made with the intention that they be together. After creating the first one, the man Adam, God declared that it wasn’t good; he was alone while all other animals had partners for procreating. Humans being his most prized creation, He certainly planned our continued existence to be eternal. 

God had more in mind for the human partnership than mere procreation. Remember that He made mankind in God’s triune image, which He accomplished, not by creating Adam (one) or even adding the woman to the man (two), but only by having close fellowship, Himself, with the couple – that’s three (God, husband and wife)!

God also took the woman from the man’s body part (his rib), something else He did only in the case of humans. Adam exclaimed, “Flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone!” and God decreed that a man would leave his parents and cleave to his wife. 

2. Divorce damages those involved. When a couple divorces, they sever what God has joined together, as Jesus described. A divorced spouse is, for a time, a grieving ex-spouse. It’s been said that a divorced person has it harder than a widowed one because their ex-spouse is still alive, making it harder to have closure on the past marriage. 

Children of divorce take a hit, too. Lingering issues like feelings of abandonment and separation anxiety present challenges for children, even well into adulthood. 

I was forty years old when my parents divorced, and it had a strong emotional impact on me, even at that age. 

Good point, you may think, but how is this a reason God hates divorce? Well, if we know God we know He hates for His people, especially as children, to be damaged. It’s the work and will of the enemy that brings death , destruction and harm to people, and God hates the damage and the one who brings it. 

3. Divorce brings unnecessary financial challenge. Statistics and common sense both show that a divorced couple will have a tougher financial time than a married one. They have two households to maintain with the same income they had when they were together. And if they’re coparenting, they likely don’t coordinate and work in tandem as well as when they lived together in unity.  

4. Divorce weakens a couple for accomplishment.  In God’s economy, one puts a thousand to flight and two puts ten thousand to flight. The context of that scriptural principle is a Godly nation in warfare against an ungodly one. The interpretation is that when we’re unified in God’s way our effectiveness increases by a multiplier of ten, not two. The application to marriage versus divorce is that staying together makes us five times more effective than splitting up. The effective I’m referring to is in God’s bidding, and He wants us in all the strength He makes available to us. 

5. Divorce weakens a couple for protection. Another Biblical principle is that, since a three-stranded cord is very difficult to break, it behooves a couple to remain together and unified with God.  

6. Divorce brings forfeiture of opportunities and callings. Every married couple has opportunities God reserves just for them. And while they don’t lose everything when they become divorced, they do forfeit those accomplishments reserved by God specifically for them as a couple. 

7. Divorce removes the closest possible example for children to see a model marriage. Their parents’ marriage isn’t the only one they’ll witness, but it is the closest view possible of one, and it’s made up of the two people from whom they came. 

To be fair, two more things also need to be said.

1. If divorce is part of your story, do not accept condemnation for it. It isn’t the unforgiveable sin. If the divorce resulted from some sin or another, it’s in the past and however great the sin is, grace for forgiveness and redemption is even greater. 
2. Children can still thrive after divorce. While parents in a good marriage is ideal, God can still fill in all the void from loss, and if grandparents and others rally to offset the loss, which is often the case, the kids can even gain advantages in some ways. 

Bottom Line: God has better for us than divorce, and if we’ll walk with Him, He’ll lead us in His better way. He also still has goodness for those with divorce in their history and walking with Him will bring redemption.