This was difficult for me to write because it hit so many nerves from my own upbringing. Sorry so much of this is ridiculous. I hope you can see just how backwards this thinking is, and that it can ultimately help your parenting perspective.
- Don’t worry about treating them fairly. Fairness isn’t something kids can judge, anyway. If you happen to be unfair, they don’t really know what fair is, so they have no reference. In other words, they don’t know what they’re missing, so don’t be concerned with being fair to them. Life certainly won’t be.
The Truth: Kids are very perceptive and know when they’re being treated unfairly. It hurts their heart to be undervalued. In fact, they see it as being unloved. And the painful reality is that they’re probably right.
- Speak harshly to them. The world will be harsh, so we might as well prepare the kid for the world they’ll be going into soon. Handling children with kid gloves doesn’t make them resilient; it makes them soft and sets them up for destruction.
The Truth: What a person needs most from their parents is love. And while a harsh parent may claim tough love, the most effective expression of love is kindness. Once out in a harsh world, remembering their parents’ kind expression of love will strengthen them far more than any harshness they got from them.
- Use public settings to humiliate them. Embarrassment can be a real motivator. Dress them down, berate them, and even discipline them physically in front of other people, especially outside immediate family. They’ll hate it but one day appreciate how helpful it was to teach them lessons through public humiliation.
The Truth: The saying about adding insult to injury is a negative one that definitely applies to training up children. Kids will one day appreciate loving discipline, even if it’s painful. But a public slap in the face – literally or figuratively – will never be appreciated, nor should it be.
- Make it clear you don’t believe in them and never will until they prove themselves. It doesn’t make sense that parents would believe in their kids unless the kids have earned it, right? I mean, they need to get used to earning what they get, even people believing in them.
The Truth: The New Testament teaches us that real agape-love (the kind God has for us, the kind that requires nothing in return) “always hopes.” Meaning we’ll believe in someone we love, even if they never prove their worthiness.
- Give zero attention to what they complain about. Children are to be listeners, not talkers. They have to learn to be seen and not heard. Listening to their complaining reinforces their negativity; demanding their silence teaches them self-control.
The Truth: Listening to someone helps us understand them, and you’ll never be a good parent without understanding your kids.
- Let them know that God is judge and they’ll feel His wrath if they screw up. God is the ultimate dealer of consequences. Kids had better learn to please Him, otherwise they’ll experience His wrath.
The Truth: If that’s your understanding of God, your kid’s in trouble and so are you. Teach your kids the grace of God, and if you don’t understand it, for Christ’s sake get to know Him and all He’s done for all of us by His grace and through His loving-kindness.
Anger in the heart of a child breeds rebellion, foolishness and destruction. Beware. And help them be who God wants them to be.
This is great advice not to take for sure! I had a sinking gut feeling reading some of these, but the truth was encouraging and will be taken to heart ❤️ Thanks for sharing!