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My son, Jacob, turns 31 in a couple days. I want to take this space to honor him on his special day. 

So our readers can gain something useful for their own character-building, I’ll share some of Jacob’s qualities; if we adopt them, we’ll be better people.

All Heart. From the time he was a little kid, Jake has always had an intensity about him, and he still has it. Whatever he does, he does it with laser focus and a lot of emotion. As an athlete (at age twelve, he ranked 24^th in the nation in the floor event as a gymnast, was later an excellent high school basketball player and a college golfer) Jacob was so much fun to watch, for his parents, yes, but also for spectators in general. He graduated college with honors, earning a Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration.

But here’s the most impressive (and unusual) thing about his intensity quality. As he moved into a different phase in life, he applied that intensity to his relationship with God and with his family. Now a husband, father and insurance professional, he goes at his current life’s goals with the same passion that he used to apply to his student-athlete life. Many who were athletes when younger are never able to apply their lessons learned to more important pursuits, living in their past glory days but not having an equivalent current day focus and passion. I’m very impressed that Jacob has distanced himself from that trend. He still has a lot of heart. It’s just a heart for things of greater maturity and significance now.

Generosity-Driven. Who can say this? Anytime I’ve been with my son (when he was aged 26 to 30) he’s paid for everything: meals, events, gas, etc. That’s true of Jacob. And it isn’t that his income has been massive; it’s that he prepares and positions himself to be ready for opportunities to be generous. He’s slept in his car on business trips, instead of spending money on lodging, and not for any purpose but to be prepared for opportunities to be generous. 

And it isn’t just money that Jake invests in others, but his time and energy, as well. And it isn’t just Jake who gives so freely of time and efforts, but his wife, Karissa, is in lock step with him in this way. The two of them are as generous as any couple I know. My wife and I – and Karissa’s parents – are very proud of the way those two live their lives. And their kids (two boys, so far) are likely to be the same kind of people, with such wonderful models as Jake and Karissa. 

Magnetically Humble. Jesus said the meek’s blessing will be that they inherit the earth. The Greek word used for earth there is oikoumene, which most often refers to the inhabitants of the world, people. The way it works is that humility (meekness) is such an attractive quality that people are drawn to those who have it. Thus, meek, humble people inherit a following in a very organic process. 

I see people gravitate toward Jacob, and I believe it’s because of the humility with which he carries himself through life. It’s probably how he won the heart of his beautiful wife. 😊

These are three of the qualities I celebrate in Jacob on his 31^st birthday. And may we all absorb his example and be better people because of him. 

Happy Birthday, Jacob!!!

This is the week of my mother’s birthday. She’d be eighty-six; she left us for her eternal home more than eleven years ago. 

I confess that I didn’t understand her full value and positive impact (I probably still don’t – maybe never will) until she was gone. With her missing from the earth now, I often find myself reflecting on the way she used quiet moments to teach me and help me know God. She actually had a way of creating quiet moments, even amid the noises of life. 

As a parent and grandparent, my eyes are ever open to opportunities to impact my kids and grandkids the way my mom did. I confess, I’m not as good at it as she was, but at least I have something to shoot for. 

In case you’re interested, here are some things she accomplished with her whispers:

She taught me to be still and know God. I can’t tell you how many times I was in turmoil, nearly always self-inflicted, when she would move in close to get my attention and softly ask a thought-provoking question, like, “Have you asked God what He thinks about it?”

She taught me to be genuine. Mama played the piano and taught two of my sisters and me to harmonize, perform well for an audience and carry ourselves with an air of professionalism. I feel safe in saying that we were pretty good. We often won contests and were generally known and acknowledged as making beautiful music.

Sometimes, when we were practicing, she would stop and say, “Make sure you mean what you’re singing, It ain’t worth a flip if you don’t sing it from your heart.” She’d speak it softly, but her meaning was loud and clear. It seemed trite at the time. But when I went on to earn a degree in music, and even sing professionally for a time, I took that lesson with me as it echoed in my heart many times during my practice and performances. 

She taught me to be humble. It isn’t easy to teach someone to have confidence and meekness at the same time. Nor does everybody have a knack for inspiring ambition while having you keep a down-to-earth mentality. Mama would do that by reminding me of that truth with the simple statement, “Everything good about you was a gift from God, so make sure He’s pleased with you.”

To be honest, those lessons didn’t take, since I didn’t have ears to hear them, until probably ten or twelve years after she spoke them. Truthfully, I’m still learning them today. 

I can still hear my mother’s whispers. And how powerful they are! Thank you, Mama, and happy heavenly birthday!

If something is holy, that means it’s set apart by God, with God and for God. 

It was God who came up with the idea of humans enjoying sex together. That covers the by God piece. 

God intended and intends that He be included in, not left out, of sex. Obviously not in a physical sense, but He wants His design for sex to be acknowledged and followed. That’s the with God part.

God has a purpose for sex, more than one, actually. Its most obvious purpose is procreation, but that’s not all. Apart from conceiving children, sex between a husband and wife connects them, unifies them, in the most intimate way possible. Not only are they physically intimate during sex, but through sex they also create an extremely strong bond mentally, emotionally and spiritually, the kind God wants a married couple to have. With this bond comes an intense level of joy and satisfaction.  

A husband and wife experiencing this God-designed fulfillment are closer to each other than any two people can be. 

As I say, holy means to be set apart by, with and for God. If a someone gets off track in their sex life, they’ve perverted it; it’s turned in the wrong direction (per = completely; vert = turn). They can correct it by repenting, which means to turn in the right direction. (re = again; pent = turn). So sexual perversion is turning away from God’s design for sex, and to turn back to His design produces fruit of repentance. 

You may think that holy sex can’t include what perverted sex does. While that’s true, holy sex is more about what it includes than what it’s missing. 

God prefers that sex would occur in a process where it’s preceded by some important things. These things are like foreplay, but in a broader sense. Here they are:

1. Christian Fellowship. Fellowship means having something important in common. Before having sex, the first thing is to determine if you’re compatible spiritually, to see if you’re fellows in Christ.
2.  Friendship. To jump into bed without building a friendship first means you’re opting for a shallow, carnal relationship, missing important non-sexual things for an intimate relationship.
3. Covenant. Skipping covenant means the relationship is devoid of commitment, dedication and loyalty. These virtues do far more than keeping one person from ending the relationship; they also establish a sense of confidence so they can enjoy sex on a bed of peace and security.

So, when we don’t leave out what God intended to be included, we’re preparing for a better sex life. That’s how we keep sex holy. 

Delegating is when you give another some degree of your authority and/or responsibility to be used on your behalf.

Most often, we think of delegation in the business world or in the political world. A company delegates to its leaders the authority to carry out the responsibility it also delegates to them. A political party or government entity delegates to its delegates the authority to act on its behalf by voting, lobbying or governing as its proxy.

Parents also delegate some of their authority and responsibility to those who can contribute to the training up of their children. 

Here are four principles to keep in mind when delegating some of your parental responsibilities. 

1. Values are inseparably a part of education. I’ve heard people say many times that schools shouldn’t be teaching values. They should leave that up to parents, they say, and not teach kids what to believe about the science of origins, the perspective to take on God, history and general worldview. But to expect educators to teach students from a place of presenting facts only without their values seeping through is unrealistic. The examples, illustrations and subject matter that are inevitably a part of teaching even subjects like math and history come from choices educators make as a part of their decision-making process in teaching. It’s impossible to separate themselves from their own personal worldview as they make those decisions, so their teaching will include their values. 

2. Values in education are determined by the party funding the education. If parents want to place their kids in a school that will teach them the parents’ values, they must choose a school that aligns with their worldview. If you hold strongly to a Creation science worldview, public school may not be the best choice for you. If your perspective is strongly Protestant or evangelical, it’s unlikely that a Catholic school will match up with what you want your child to understand and believe. 

3. Every individual school in a school system is unique. Don’t assume that every school within a particular system is the same. The faculty and administration in one public school may have a strong pattern of Christian faith, while the personnel in a school a neighborhood or two away in the same system may be very different. And the group of parents and families within a school is also an important consideration. 

4. The more a school differs in values from the parents, the more involved the parents need to be with their child. However different or alike the parents and the school are in their worldview and values, parents should never wipe their hands of their kid’s education; delegating it wholesale to the educational institution robs parents of the irreplaceable influence their child needs from them. On one level, parents must clarify for the child the disparity between what they’re being taught at school and what parents want to help them understand and believe. And perhaps even more important is the parent-child connection that happens in the teaching and training process. Effective parents cannot afford to sacrifice that, as it pays dividends for the duration of the child’s life; the parent-child connection is irreplaceable, and serves as a massive part of the child’s lifelong personality, not to mention the all-important parent-child relationship for the duration of their lives.

I’ve written referring almost exclusively to a conventional schooling arrangement. But two more points I’d like to make:

1. Homeschooling gives the parents more control in shaping the child’s worldview than any other approach to education. Not every parent or every child is cut out for homeschooling, but parents should at least consider the option. 
2. The delegation principles also apply to extracurricular decisions, like sports, the arts, etc.

Parents, I hope you find these helpful. If you’d like to have further discussion about it, please reach out to me by email with your thoughts at gabrieltew@gabrieltew.com.

This weekend is the birthday of my oldest child, our son, Sidney, whom we call Tres. This video was seven years ago. 

Since then, he’s become father to three boys. We’re very proud of him, a Godly husband, father, son and professional.

Happy birthday, Tres! As I’ve told you for thirty-seven years now, I’m glad you’re my son!

The little toddler in this video turned 9 years old this week…

And he’s definitely still G-Pop’s buddy.

Happy Birthday, Titus! What a blessing you are to your family, friends and the entire Tew Crew!

Proverbs 31:10-31 describes a truly legendary wife. She seems mythical, practically impossible. But a few years ago, I sat down with this chapter of Proverbs hoping for inspiration for a homemade anniversary card for my wife on our 36^th anniversary, I somewhat surprisingly (though not totally) found a match for Sharlene with every single quality listed in the passage. I wrote that card and excitedly presented it to her over a romantic dinner in a Montana steakhouse restaurant. (We’d spent the day in Yellowstone National Park.)

Without going into all the details – because there are many – the summarizing characteristics of that wife (and mine) are:

• Independent. It may be surprising to some that the Bible would hold in such high regard a wife as independent, the stereotype of Biblical wives often being dependent on their husbands. 

This shows us that God doesn’t desire husbands to be controlling or micromanaging of their wives. He made men and women with minds to think with on their own and sometimes being a Godly husband means getting out of his wife’s way. 

Getting out of her way doesn’t mean he stays on the couch, lazily depending on her to carry the load of provision for the family. No, he’s found, instead, at the city gate, which means he’s a respected member and leader of the community. 

So Godly husband and virtuous wife live a respectable life, honoring God, others and one another.

• Entrepreneurial. It may also be surprising that a woman in Biblical culture would be a leader in the business community. This lady isn’t passively waiting for her husband to provide. She’s known and respected at the market and is relied upon by her customers to provide valuable resources. 

She isn’t shielded by an overprotective husband from the risks of lurking scammers looking to take advantage of the vulnerable and naïve because she’s trusted to be shrewd and strong, not easy prey for stalkers. This woman is vigilant and keenly aware, not ruled by fear.

• Industrious. This wife is no slacker; she burns the midnight oil but isn’t found lying in the bed in the late morning hours. Her family needs her to produce and she delivers. She’s considered a blessing, not only to her husband and community, but also to her children. 

Her kids are well clothed, well fed, well trained and well loved. 

I take the opportunity afforded in this space to wish my wife, Sharlene, my Proverbs thirty-one wife, a happy 39^th anniversary! You are every kind of blessing Solomon wrote about in this classic chapter in Scripture! I thank God for you! What a blessing you are!

This year we go to Memphis, where we’ll see Graceland, the Civil Rights Museum and other sites. We’ve been fasting and praying, but it’s time to eat! So, we’re going to celebrate our marriage and the life God has given us! The fast is over! We’re coming home fat like Elvis, baby!

This month we celebrate 250 years of freedom as a nation. 

Anytime there’s freedom, there’s three questions:

1. Freedom from what?
2. Freedom to what?
3. Freedom to what degree?

I want to look at celebrating three freedoms (national, spiritual & marital) each answering the three questions above.

From What? Our national freedom is really about our independence. We’ve been free from the rule of England since 1776, actually, independent from the rule of any nation, enjoying our own sovereignty, for all this time. 

Spiritually, Jesus gained our freedom the moment He died on His cross. Right up until that moment – and even after for many, His state-mates, the Jews, didn’t understand from what He had set them free. They looked around and saw their oppressors, the Romans, still in power over them, collecting taxes, enforcing Roman law and lording over them with intimidation and unfair treatment. Not until first century Jews, modern day people across the globe, and every human everywhere in all the centuries in between realize from where our bondage came (sin) can we know from what we’re free. We’re free from sin and all its consequences.

Maritally, we’re free from the threats present in non-married life. Marriage provides a bed that holds our freedom from sexual immorality. It provides a partner whose friendship and counsel free us from the folly of foolish decisions and mistakes awaiting those who veer off track when making decisions. 

To What? This is where our nation’s freedom story gets pretty hypocritical. Every person being born with the freedom to pursue happiness was the stated ideal, but as the ink was drying on the Declaration of Independence, Africans continued to be traded, bought and sold, their freedom being stifled in every sense. We’ve made progress in correcting that evil but it will always be a blight on our history. So, while “citizens” were free to pursue their version of happiness, not every American was.

The freedom afforded us in Christ is, fortunately, the opposite of the American story. Jesus said that the poor in spirit (those seeing their spiritual bondage and being willing to cry out to God for freedom from it), those lowliest among all humans, are the very ones who are now free to enjoy all the benefits of God’s kingdom. What are those benefits? Eternal life, being reconciled to God, being the vessel of God’s Holy Spirit, having love, joy, peace…, having God’s special favor. 

For the married couple who has their relationship centered on Christ, their freedom is great indeed. Despite the marriage clichés, like, the old ball and chain and tying the knot, marriage is like the Garden of Eden. In Eden there was one forbidden tree among many, many plants Adam and Eve were free to enjoy; yet they were drawn to the forbidden, and chose the forbidden over the freedom. Married couples are free to enjoy a unique relationship that unmarried people are not. The intimacy – intimate friendship, intimate partnership and romantic and sexual intimacy are benefits couples are wise to enjoy and not overlook by focusing on the forbidden things in their lives. 

To What Degree? The freedoms of our nation exist within the boundaries of our land borders, citizens’ rights and fellow citizens’ rights. I believe the U.S. is the most blessed nation in history, as evidenced by the degree to which we citizens are free; we’re free to elect our governmental leaders, become governmental leaders, ourselves, believe the way we choose, speak the way we choose and worship the way we choose. What other nation ever has held those freedoms for its citizens? 

Jesus said that if the Son sets us free we’ll be free indeed, meaning absolutely free, the best kind of free, free to the greatest possible degree. ‘Nuff said. There’s no better freedom than freedom in Christ.

When a couple gets married, they live out the choice they’ve made. Of all the people in the world, they’re spending the rest of their lives with the one they love most, want most and probably need most. That’s a crazy high level of freedom. 

So, 

Happy Independence Day! 

Enjoy All Your Freedom in Christ Jesus!

and

May You Know and Experience All the joys of Marital Freedom!

There’s so much knowledge to be gained today about any and every subject. We’re decades into the Information Age and “science” (which means knowledge) is generally held as the tell-all about a subject, the most important perspective to have on a subject.

Personal health is a subject that gets a lot of attention from science. When it comes to one’s personal health and fitness, there’s more science and information than a person can contain. There’s the understanding of how the human body works, what nutritional choices are best and why, how the ideal exercise life should look and how much sleep and rest we should get. 

There are all kinds of general recommendations out there, a bunch of one-size-fits-all guidelines.

While I think it’s good to gain as much scientifioc knowledge as we can about human health, to have a solid general knowledge on this subject, I believe there’s one single piece of knowledge or understanding that, especially if you understand the basics of health, stands above all other knowledge of human health, and that’s knowing your own body. 

Even though we’re all part of the human race, we’re each unique; in some way or another, we’re all outliers from the range of the average and the common. 

For example, there are two areas in which I’m an outlier: hydration and sleep. I’ve learned that I require less than the average person of either hydration or sleep. 

I’m sure there are those who think I’m mistaken, that my perspective is somehow off base. 

I understand that these are two very important health factors, hydration and sleep, but I base this opinion on these experiences: 

Hydration: I run about twenty miles a week (four five-mile runs). I’ve found that I don’t need all that much fluid before a run; I always have a smoothie afterwards, but just normal intake throughout the day is enough prior to. If I overhydrate, I end up having to stop during my run to urinate (which I hate having to do). 

I’ve run two half-marathons in the past few years, both in the early morning hours. Before each one, I drank three cups of coffee, just like I do every morning. That’s all the fluid intake I had and I was fine through whole run. I got a smoothie afterwards each time that helped me recover from the run, but I never felt anything close to dehydration.

Sleep: I get five hours each night (from 11:30p to 4:30a), and a one-hour nap in the late afternoon, totaling six hours of sleep per day. With this sleep schedule, I have plenty of energy, which comes mostly from the passion and vision I have for my personal goals. Admittedly, I do grab an extra nap on weekend days if my schedule allows. 

There’s a third piece of knowledge about myself: when it comes to nutrition, I tend to continue eating or not eating whatever I start eating or abstaining from, respectively. One donut can lead to a half-dozen, but fasting for eight hours strengthens me mentally to complete a fast of sixteen hours, information that’s very useful for an intermittent fasting plan. 

My point is that I know myself, my body and my mind, and that knowledge, added to a decent general knowledge of human health, is the most important thing I can understand to help me to be healthy. 

You’re probably wondering when I’m going prove true to my title, and apply all this to marriage, so here goes:

What’s most important to know about marriage is your spouse.

It certainly doesn’t hurt to know God, yourself and marriage principles around topics like communication, money management, conflict management, sex & romance and how to love unconditionally. But if I rank all the nuggets of knowledge, understanding and insight related to marriage, far above all the others is knowledge, understanding and insight about your spouse. You need to know their love language, what they love, what they despise and to what they’re indifferent. Where are their buttons and how do you not push them? What learning style are they? Are they an introvert or an extrovert? External or internal processor? A spender, a saver or a giver? A good listener? A logic-driven decision-maker or a more intuitive one? 

All these pieces are important to have if you’re to have this most important marriage knowledge. 

So whether you’re married or expect to one day be, please understand that most important to know about marriage is simple. It’s knowing your spouse.

Last week I wrote about the power of having a vision for your marriage. This week I want to offer a Part 2 of sorts, painting a portrait of what a good vision for marriage can look like. 

I’ll use the structure of last week’s blog to frame the portrait. 

1. Destiny. The destiny for a marriage vision isn’t like a place you’d arrive at on a trip, where you drop all guard, all responsibility and just relax and have fun. The destiny for a marriage is a state of being, a condition, a pattern of thought and behavior, a mentality and a philosophy. It includes agape-love more than anything else. 

Agape-love is the same as grace, the favor given without regard to desert or response. Make sure your vision for your marriage is heavier on agape-love than anything else. 

It’s the only thing that will sustain you through any and every storm. 

It’s the kind of love we receive from God in Christ, and the exact kind for which He designed marriage. 

2. Energy. Once you begin to grasp a marriage in which all is forgiven and favor is always offered, you’ll notice an increased passion for your spouse and your marriage. Your motivation to arrive at and live in this kind of marital state will increase perpetually until eventually you’re zinging in heart and mind with the excitement of this becoming your reality.

3. Safety. All along the way, you’ll value more and more greatly this destiny to which you’re headed, to the extent that nothing can pull you off track. Many of the faulty mentalities, harmful distractions and destructive temptations will become peripheral blurs as you move toward your destiny. 

There’s an artist on the streets in Paris who draws portraits of passersby. He’s a good artist but he draws the same mouth on all his subjects’ portrait, regardless of what their mouths look like. 

That’s kind of what I’ve done here. The portrait I’ve painted here is general; it’s good but it isn’t customized. 

Now customize your own marriage portrait. Your marriage includes two unique people, making the marriage itself even more unique than any individual person. So, seek God and collaborate with your spouse to customize your vision. Paint your own unique mouth. Conceive together your own vision for your marriage. 

You’ll do well to include what I offer, but don’t stop there. Continue on and make it undeniably your own.