In case you’re a married person contemplating divorce, either you alone or you and your spouse, there are some things you need to know.
If you’re facing a spouse threatening to end the marriage, these things could possibly help change their mind.
1. Marriage was God’s idea. The first couple, God’s original humans, He made with the intention that they be together. After creating the first one, the man Adam, God declared that it wasn’t good; he was alone while all other animals had partners for procreating. Humans being his most prized creation, He certainly planned our continued existence to be eternal.
God had more in mind for the human partnership than mere procreation. Remember that He made mankind in God’s triune image, which He accomplished, not by creating Adam (one) or even adding the woman to the man (two), but only by having close fellowship, Himself, with the couple – that’s three (God, husband and wife)!
God also took the woman from the man’s body part (his rib), something else He did only in the case of humans. Adam exclaimed, “Flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone!” and God decreed that a man would leave his parents and cleave to his wife.
2. Divorce damages those involved. When a couple divorces, they sever what God has joined together, as Jesus described. A divorced spouse is, for a time, a grieving ex-spouse. It’s been said that a divorced person has it harder than a widowed one because their ex-spouse is still alive, making it harder to have closure on the past marriage.
Children of divorce take a hit, too. Lingering issues like feelings of abandonment and separation anxiety present challenges for children, even well into adulthood.
I was forty years old when my parents divorced, and it had a strong emotional impact on me, even at that age.
Good point, you may think, but how is this a reason God hates divorce? Well, if we know God we know He hates for His people, especially as children, to be damaged. It’s the work and will of the enemy that brings death , destruction and harm to people, and God hates the damage and the one who brings it.
3. Divorce brings unnecessary financial challenge. Statistics and common sense both show that a divorced couple will have a tougher financial time than a married one. They have two households to maintain with the same income they had when they were together. And if they’re coparenting, they likely don’t coordinate and work in tandem as well as when they lived together in unity.
4. Divorce weakens a couple for accomplishment. In God’s economy, one puts a thousand to flight and two puts ten thousand to flight. The context of that scriptural principle is a Godly nation in warfare against an ungodly one. The interpretation is that when we’re unified in God’s way our effectiveness increases by a multiplier of ten, not two. The application to marriage versus divorce is that staying together makes us five times more effective than splitting up. The effective I’m referring to is in God’s bidding, and He wants us in all the strength He makes available to us.
5. Divorce weakens a couple for protection. Another Biblical principle is that, since a three-stranded cord is very difficult to break, it behooves a couple to remain together and unified with God.
6. Divorce brings forfeiture of opportunities and callings. Every married couple has opportunities God reserves just for them. And while they don’t lose everything when they become divorced, they do forfeit those accomplishments reserved by God specifically for them as a couple.
7. Divorce removes the closest possible example for children to see a model marriage. Their parents’ marriage isn’t the only one they’ll witness, but it is the closest view possible of one, and it’s made up of the two people from whom they came.
To be fair, two more things also need to be said.
- If divorce is part of your story, do not accept condemnation for it. It isn’t the unforgiveable sin. If the divorce resulted from some sin or another, it’s in the past and however great the sin is, grace for forgiveness and redemption is even greater.
- Children can still thrive after divorce. While parents in a good marriage is ideal, God can still fill in all the void from loss, and if grandparents and others rally to offset the loss, which is often the case, the kids can even gain advantages in some ways.
Bottom Line: God has better for us than divorce, and if we’ll walk with Him, He’ll lead us in His better way. He also still has goodness for those with divorce in their history and walking with Him will bring redemption.
