Author: gabrieltew

In a few years – probably 2028 – a book will hit the shelves titled Rollercoaster Parenting.  Here’s a synoptic preview of it, its 4 Core Statements, all based on Proverbs 22:6:

1. To train them up means to establish them. That’s the real meaning of the Hebrew word in that verse. Here’s where the rollercoaster analogy comes in. Rollercoasters are built to never come off track. Their wheels don’t just ride along on the track, like a train. They grip the track, hugging both the top and bottom of the rail. Here are some of the wheels that will help your child hug the rail:
   1. Christ revealed.
   2. Grace understood.
   3. Love relayed.
   4. Scripture trusted.
   5. Faith Practiced.
   6. Intimacy Walked
   7. Hope Carried.

2. The way they should go refers to Christ Jesus. It isn’t unrelated to Proverbs 22:6 that Jesus professed to be The Way (as well as the Truth and the Life). If there’s any confusion as to what the way means, John 14:6 clears that up for us pretty quickly. The way isn’t a path; it’s a person, not a how-to, but a Him. The way to the Father is by His Son, and the way in which to establish a child as we bring them up is the same – Jesus Christ, the Son of God, Savior of the World, Lord of all creation. The child being wholly committed to Jesus, living, moving and having their being in Him – that’s the way they should go. 

3. When they’re old means life-long longevity. There’s a word implied here, and that word is even. So, with that word included, the verse goes Train up as child in the way they should go, and even when they’re old they won’t depart from it. 

4. Not depart from it is literal in meaning.  It’s crazy how many solid Bible students and even teachers I’ve heard interpret the verse like this: Train up a child in the way they should go, and if they stray, they’ll come back to it when they’re old. Excuse me, but that’s rewriting God’s Word. Not necessary. Let’s just take God at His Word. Not to worry, though. There are plenty of encouraging promises and precedents in the Bible for those parents with a child who’s strayed, of which I am one. Let’s come back to that in another blog-post. For now, let it suffice to get children established in the way from which they will never depart.

Marriage is a relationship of decision-making.

Decide means, literally, to cut away. It comes from the Latin word decider, which is two word parts. De is a prefix meaning away; cidere means to cut.  (Making an incision is cutting into; concise means the lengthy part has been cut off.)

To decide means to eliminate the unwanted part (to cut it away); it’s exactly the process of elimination, and the imagery is a sculptor chiseling away parts of the marble stone until what remains is the beautiful three-dimensional image they desire. 

A married couple makes decisions from day one and even before. Their old girlfriends and boyfriends are cut away, then the parents, and eventually the children. Cutting away – at least in the case of parents and children – doesn’t mean they’re cut out of their lives altogether; it just means they’re cut out of the marriage; nothing and no one can come between husband and wife. 

We’ve probably all seen couples with one set of parents inserted between the husband wife in some way, and children are experts at squeezing between their parents. Both situations can spell major trouble for the marriage; I’ve seen marriages end because the decision was never agreed upon by husband and wife to cut out the intruder. 

And then there’s the inanimate presence that must be chiseled away, things like hobbies, expenses and preoccupations that wreak havoc on the marriage. 

The list of potential unwanted intruders  is too long to include; more important is the strategy for deciding (literally) in marriage. 

The key is to remember that, for the married couple, spouse and marriage are number one; number two may be uber important, like children and parents, but they cannot be number one. They aren’t even part of number one. Allow nothing to compete with spouse or marriage, and address any threats – especially the people ones – together as a unified couple. Stick together and don’t allow any force to separate you. 

To repeat my very first sentence, marriage is a relationship of decision-making. Spend your entire marriage deciding in favor of spouse and marriage, and you’ll have a long and fruitful marriage…..decidedly so!

The minions had been called to formation. Thousands of them stood in rank order before their commanding officer, Captain Asunder. 

Asunder’s voice was powerful as thunder and could be heard for miles as his words rumbled into the pointy ears of the minions, rattling their boney chests as it resonated between the mountains and across the valley where the army had mustered. “Imps, lowly bootlickers, servile soldiers of the basest rank, if you will prove yourself and achieve any semblance of promotion in the kingdom of Lucifer, you will do as I command, and you will do it with results!” Asunder paced back and forth stomping, drool escaping his lips to roll down his prickly chin and putrid beath fogging from his mouth as he delivered his vile, monstrous tones. “Yahweh has established his desire for his married people, which you idiots should know by now provides your objective. Our mission is always what?”

Exactly the opposite of Yahweh’s desire!” Thousands of strong unified voices yelled back to their commanding officer. Asunder was pleased but would never be heard saying so. 

So if Yahweh has said the husband and wife are one flesh, united together, then your mission is…” Asunder paused ever so briefly.

“To divide and conquer!” The minions shouted back in fear, right again.

“If the husband is to love his wife…”

Turn his heart against her!

“If the wife is to submit to her husband…”

“Incite rebellion in her heart!”

“Well,” Asunder said with an evil laugh, “you fools got the easy ones right. But Major Malcontent will now instruct you in the more delicate tactics.”

The major stepped forward and addressed the army assembled for the destruction of marriage. “We know you can shout, but can you whisper?”

The troops said nothing; the last thing needed right now was a shout. 

“You know how to fight, but can you work together?”

Major Malcontent continued addressing the army. “Work in tandem. One of you, whisper in the husband’s ear, slandering his wife; and the other, slander the husband in the ear of the wife.”

The minions stood, wiser now, ready for their final orders. 

Malcontent opened his mouth for more instruction, but Asunder interrupted, stepping forward and yelling. “Now fly your little boney asses out of here and don’t come back until you’ve broken up some marriages, some families and some homes!” 

Fear for Asunder catapulted all the minions into the sky, swarming like a flock of locusts. They flew around the earth, dropping down by twos onto married couples on every continent. 

Let’s remember that we husbands and wives don’t fight against each other, but together against the powers of darkness assigned by our enemy to bring about our destruction. 

Our defense? Eat. Pray. Love.

Eat. Devour God’s Word.

Pray. Pray for your spouse and for your marriage.

Love. Love your spouse as yourself.

Victory over every hellish minions is ours!

Glory to God!

If you want to be the perfect daddy’s girl, follow these six pieces of advice:

1. Have a special song with your dad. “Hey Baby, Will You Be My Girl” is the best one, but I’m sure others can work. But sing it back and forth with your daddy (and change “girl” to “daddy” when your verse rolls around). Every time you think of it, sing it, and if you’re ever at an event and the song comes on, sing it to each other while dancing and acting crazy (try to embarrass your dad, but don’t feel defeated if he embarrasses you more).

2. If you have a little sister, five years younger than you, be a second mother to her. It’s okay to be a bit on the bossy side, but don’t get too upset if she becomes even bossier than you and demands that you do every little thing for her. Oh, and live near her when you grow up, just in case she still needs you, although, you shouldn’t be hurt if she somehow becomes super independent and doesn’t seem to need much help from anyone. But I know you’ll be there for her anyway, just because you love her and that’s who you are.

3. When you grow up and move out on your own, text your dad one random morning at 6:00 because you two were always the first ones up and you shared a 6 a.m. cup of coffee together every morning. Just text: “I miss you, Daddy.” I promise you he’ll cry that morning and thank God that you’re his daughter. But do this only once. He’s just a man and his soft heart can’t take but just so much of that kind of thing from his daddy’s girl.

4. When you and your dad are planning your mom’s 50^thbirthday party and you’re making a decision about whether to take a slight shortcut or to go over the top, insist on going over the top. Just look at your dad and say, “because that’s what she would do.” It’ll show your dad that you’ve gleaned lessons from your mother, who happens to be the person most committed to excellence that you’ve ever known. And he’ll be even prouder of you, if that’s possible.

5. When you get out in the world and start making your way, become very well known as a hard-working, super organized, creative professional with very high standards. Your daddy will beam every time he tells a friend about how awesome you’re doing.

6. When you turn 30, come home to your daddy because all your siblings will be there to celebrate you because your whole family loves you so very much.

Happy birthday to my daughter, Kristin! I love you, Kwi!

My mother wasn’t known as a hyper-religious person. Even though she was a faithful servant in our local church, she probably wasn’t seen by church leadership as a spiritual giant. She wasn’t a forceful teacher of the Bible, and she didn’t typically lead the church’s big ministry projects.

Yet, she had a more powerful impact on my spiritual life than anyone prior to my marriage, at which point my wife carried that baton. 

My mom’s most effective ministry in my life was when she would point me very gently, often with a whisper, to God in the most intimate place in my life, the most private place – utterly secret – my heart. She was training me to experience God’s self-revelation, which I know now to be the single greatest thing a parent can do for their child.

Jesus changed the name of Simon, son of Jonah, from Simon to Peter. Peter means rock, Jesus told him, and He said that it was on this rock that He would build his church. He didn’t mean Peter, the man, would be the rock on which He would establish His church; He wasn’t declaring Peter to be the first pope, as some believe He was.  

If Jesus wasn’t at all saying He’d build His church on Peter. On what, then? 

The answer to that question is found in the reason He cited for changing Simon’s name to Peter. Simon, in his final moment as Simon, professed that Jesus was the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of the living God. 

Jesus replied that such knowledge had to have been revealed to Simon Peter by God (Matthew 16).

That’s what Jesus would build His church on!

The church all Jesus followers are a part of today and all since its inception (Acts 2) is built on God revealing to people who Jesus is. 

That’s how God builds His kingdom in our hearts, by revelation of Himself, and as a person receives that revelation, they become part of His kingdom; they become a building block in His church because they have revelation knowledge of Jesus. 

Personally, I believe someone can be saved only by trusting the Divinely revealed Christ.

Now, back to the parenting piece of this. 

If a person needs Christ Divinely revealed to be saved, and the church is built by saved souls being its building blocks, the greatest thing a parent can do is to help their child be positioned to receive the Divinely revealed Son of God. 

When a parent does this, they’re accomplishing the most supremely important things in the universe – multiple supremely important things. Their children are saved by Jesus Christ, God’s kingdom is being built, His church constructed, with the souls of their children.

One final, very important thought. Parents, while God’s revealed Son is the means for your kid’s salvation, cooperate with God; don’t set examples that contradict the truth of the gospel, and don’t treat your child in a way that conflicts with God’s love. 

This is how parents build God’s kingdom.

Grace is a pretty widely understood concept. Generally, people know that grace is favor given to someone undeserving. Amazing Grace has got to be one of the most well-known, recognizable and oft-sung songs in America; it shows up a lot in movies, concerts and all kinds of settings, and, of course, church services.

But I doubt many people have considered grace as an approach to parenting. 

But why not?

For parents who are Jesus followers, who want to raise their kids to know and follow Jesus, what better way to teach them Jesus than to treat them the way Jesus has taught us? 

I know what you’re thinking. Kids need firm corrective discipline.

And we don’t? 

And grace excludes firm corrective discipline? 

Maybe the best way to make my point is through these 6 points:

1. The best way for parents to teach their kids the gospel is to offer forgiveness rather than penalties.
2. We learn better by example than by exclamation, by model than by monologue. (actions speak louder than words)
3. Learning is optimized by participation; letting a child experience forgiveness by receiving it from their earthly parent will ingrain grace in their psyche like no other method of teaching.

4. A child getting responsive wrath from their parent and then taught at church about the Heavenly Father’s forgiveness can leave a disconnect deep in their heart that may not manifest for decades, leaving them with a mess to clean up as a dysfunctional adult.

5. Grace parenting includes discipline and facing consequences; consider these two New Testament Scriptures written and applied to Christians like us: 

Gal. 6:7 – Don’t be deceived; for God is not mocked, for whatever you sow, that you shall also reap.

Hebr. 12:6 – The Lord disciplines those He loves and chastises every son and daughter He receives.

6. Like everything we do with God, grace parenting takes a degree of faith; it requires that we trust God and His way, that it will ultimately prove best.

Parents, please consider these points and pray about grace adjustments to your parenting.

Admittedly, this is an introductory, scratch-the-surface blog on the topic, so I look forward to providing more depth and clarity in future blogs.

Meanwhile…..may the face of God, our perfect Heavenly Father, shine upon you and your children!

When I married my wife, I married someone whose parents were very successful in business and respected by everyone in their community. And their community was different from the community I had known growing up. My dad used to say we were dirt farmers, and it made sense since we spent most of our time tending crops in the fields of our family farm operation. And we were always dirty.

But on my wedding day I got cleaned up. I remember looking out at those in attendance sitting in the pews of my wife’s family’s church. These were a different class of people from what I was used to (other dirt farmers), and I was tempted to believe that I didn’t belong there.  

One look at my bride as she walked up the aisle toward me, on the arm of her very distinguished father, and I was reassured. She loved me and was somehow as excited to be marrying me as I was about marrying her. 

But I distinctly remember thinking in that moment, “Man, I’m really marrying up.”

It makes sense that only one in a marriage can marry up; the other would have to be marrying down, right? Not necessarily. It’s possible – I’ve seen it many times, and you probably have, too – for both spouses to feel they’ve married up. 

I spoke to a friend recently, whose wife is very gifted as a wife, a mom, and a woman of God, not to mention her artistic talent. I said to him, “Not just anyone could win someone like her; it could only be someone like you. He’s also pretty impressive as a husband, father, man of God, and a professional. When I look at that couple, it seems they’ve both married up. 

There’s another way to look at the whole marry up thing.

Picture a man standing, looking up to God; also, picture a woman standing a distance from the man, looking up to God, herself. They both are seeking God. The two of them and God form a triangle. As they each move closer to God, each moving upward, as it were, they notice that they are moving ever closer to each other.

What they have most in common is that they both love God, are seeking Him, and are moving upward in closeness to Him. As they become a couple and continue their upward motion toward the Lord, they find themselves growing closer together; their triangle gets smaller and smaller.

One day they get married; into their marriage, they never stop growing closer to God, and therefore, never stop growing closer to each other.

They aren’t just growing closer horizontally as a couple, they’re also growing vertically to God. They’ve married up, both of them, and continued in an upward marriage as long as they are both alive.

Now that’s marrying up! It’s the best kind of marrying up!

If that isn’t your story, it isn’t too late. Just start, both you and your spouse, growing closer to God, and you’ll find yourselves getting closer. And you’ll find that you both have married up.

My book Interwoven Love was released recently. This is a book that defines marital love. Here’s a synopsis of the book and a few of its features.

There are four Greek Words that translate, each one of them, to our one English word love. Two of those words are in the original Greek manuscripts of the Bible, and the other two aren’t. The New Testament’s original language was Greek, and even though the Old Testament’s was Hebrew, it was translated into Greek (the Septuagint) prior to the birth of Jesus. So, it seems God chose Greek as the language He’d use to express Himself through Scripture. 

Love, in the English language and in our culture, is largely undefined and much misunderstood, which means it can be very confusing. In fact, there’s an early chapter in Interwoven Love titled Love = x because it’s a variable. 

The four Greek love words are:

1. Agape – Love that requires nothing in advance or in return. (in the Bible dozens of times)
2. Phileo – Love between friends. (in the Bible several times)
3. Storge – Love between family members. (not in the Bible)
4. Eros – Love between sexual/romantic partners. (not in the Bible)

Marriage is the only relationship that includes all four types of love. If they’re interwoven properly, they make for an immensely satisfying marriage.

The most important love in marriage is agape, and it should be most abundant. All three other loves need it for them to be effective; in fact, without agape, eros will prove destructive rather than edifying for the couple.

Understanding what God had in mind when He invented the marriage relationship means understanding the Greek loves and how they work together in interwoven fashion in the life of the married couple.

As a residual, knowledge of these love words will benefit every area of life because, while marriage may be the only four-loves relationship, some combination of the loves are involved in every other relationship, both vertical and horizontal. But this book is about marriage and knowing these loves well will make yours better.

You can find the book on Amazon or online book stores, like Barnes and Noble. And, even though you probably won’t see it on the shelf in the brick-and-mortar stores, you can order it there. The price is $10.99. It’s available as an e-book (Kindle) for a lower price, but not as an audio. It’s a short read (only about 100 pages), I believe it can be very helpful to it readers, both married and pre-married. If you read it, I’d love to get your feedback at gabrieltew@gabrieltew.com.

Blessings to All!

The spirit of a person can hold up under all kinds of troubles. Sickness, loss, financial difficulties, interpersonal turmoil, all these things take a toll but for the child of God – who is reconciled with God in Christ Jesus – these troubles shouldn’t be feared. All fear and reverence belong to God, whose judgment is not merely earthly but eternal. (Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both body and soul in hell. – Matt 10:28) 

Externals cannot reach our heart, our spirit; we get to decide how our heart responds to our circumstances. 

Yet we are not perfect and often need help in guarding our heart. If you’re married, you and your spouse have more power than anyone else to aid each other in keeping a strong attitude. 

Helper is what God first called Eve. Jesus also referred to the Holy Spirit as a helper. A good and Godly husband will be a help to his wife. 

Marriage is much about spouses helping each other, and there may be no more important help than the help of keeping one another encouraged. 

A worthy focus for a spouse’s day can be summed up in this daily commitment: Today I will keep my spouse encouraged and out of despair. To have the person closest to give themselves to such a worthy and helpful work, itself, is uplifting; to be lifted by your spouse is one of God’s intended benefits of marriage. Sadly, spouses sometimes do the opposite, contributing to, rather than preventing their discouragement.

It’s super-important work for every spouse because nothing is more important than the condition of one’s heart. 

Try it; make today’s goal to keep your spouse encouraged. Do it with your words, your actions and your prayers. Watch the difference in them, in your marriage, in yourself. I promise you’ll find it to be a more than worthy use of your energies. 

The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a broken spirit? Proverbs 18:14

Nehemiah had returned from Babylonian captivity to rebuild the great wall of Jerusalem. The wall encircling the city was 2.5 miles long and about 11 feet high. That’s a lot of stones.

It was a 52-day-long (miraculously short) period of reconstruction for the wall and there had been attacks – both verbal and physical – from the enemies of the Jews to prevent the city from being rebuilt and returning to prominence. 

The workers even had to carry weapons for protection while they did their work, and some Jewish people Nehemiah had assigned solely to guard the workers.

Once the work was completed, all the people of the city gathered to hear the reading of God’s word, which consisted at that time of the Law of Moses. 

At the hearing of the requirements God had written for His people and realizing how disobedient they had been, the people began to weep the tears of remorse.

That didn’t sit well with Nehemiah. In attempt to redirect the mourners, he told them to stop the crying. 

Even though conviction of disobedience to God is a good thing, there is a time for all things under heaven; and this wasn’t the time for sorrow. 

Nehemiah understood something every leader, every spouse, every person needs to understand

Celebration is absolutely a must. 

He essentially told his people that their strength – the joy of the Lord – was at stake here and celebration, which would accompany their joy, was too important to miss.

This lesson has endless applications. Marriage is one of them.

My wife and I just returned from a trip to eastern Europe, where we celebrated our 38^th wedding anniversary. 

That was the 38^th time we’ve celebrated an anniversary, and we go away every July 11^th to celebrate. (One year we stayed a block away from our home at a bed & breakfast because the birth of our 4^th child was eminent and a sitter spent the night in our home with our 3 first kids, ages 6, 4 and 2.)

We always look forward to our big anniversary celebration trip; I maintain a document that includes each year and the destination of each year’s celebration. It’s the highlight of our year each year.

Here are some thoughts to consider for celebration within marriage:

• Celebration Requires Focus. Focus means ignoring – or even eliminating – the peripheral. Nehemiah wanted the focus to be the success God had made for them with the wall project, but the people got distracted by their past disobedience. It’s easy for us to focus on the negatives. But celebration is a time for focusing on positives. Resist the temptation to delve into the problems in your home, family and marriage. There’s an appropriate time to address issues, but celebration and correction don’t mix. 

• Celebration = Success + Success + Success. When Nehemiah gathered the people, they had a list of successes to celebrate, the completion of the project, the timeliness of the completion, the enemies overcome, and the future strength and freedom of Jerusalem. Sometimes my wife and I will name the successes of the past year, recent months, and over our whole marriage. These addends equal a sum of genuine celebration with substance and depth.

• Celebration Is Exclusive. Jerusalem was the place, the Jewish generation of transition from exile were the people, and the wall project was the success. Nobody else, nowhere else, and no other successes were included in the celebration. Celebrate your marriage in a strategic location and with only your spouse (unless you would include close family and friends for a super special success, like a golden anniversary).

• Celebration Always Includes God. If you’re successful in something, and God provided every single resource involved, including your wisdom and ability, who really deserves the credit? A huge part of celebration is giving credit where credit is due. Neglecting the celebration of God means the celebration is perverse. Celebrating marriage must place at the forefront the Creator of each spouse, Joiner of the husband and wife, Provider of all their needs and Protector that preserves their lives and relationship. 

I hope this helps in your future marriage celebrations!

And one final anniversary wish to my wife, Sharlene. Happy 38^th, baby!