Author: gabrieltew

Several reasons exists as to why married couples need Jesus to be the Lord of their relationship. To begin with, there’s the very purpose for which God established marriage: to reflect Himself. 

Jimmy Evans illustrates this by zeroing in on the statement God made in the beginning, “Let Us make mankind in Our own image.” Who’s the Us and the Our? This is the first hint in Scripture that God is trinitarian, three in one. 

Pastor Evans brings three men on stage and stands them shoulder to shoulder to symbolize the Godhead. Then he brings up a married couple and points out that the husband (representing Adam) doesn’t look like the trinitarian Creator, then to the couple now standing together to show that they also don’t look like the triune God (the three guys). So far, marriage is not looking much like God.

Then Pastor Evans walks over and stands with his arms around the couple, illustrating clearly that God is the necessary third piece of a marriage to have it reflect God, as He intended. The real point is that marriage must include God if it is to reflect God. 

Another reason God – and more specifically, God the Son, Jesus – is the necessary third party in marriage is that marriage must have that one ingredient that only Jesus provides. Jesus came into our human world for the distinct purpose of availing that very ingredient to us. It’s the ingredient that saves each of us from our deserved judgment and  into life forever with God in His eternal Heaven. It’s the ingredient necessary for us to be free from the chains of bondage we forged with our sinfulness. It’s what Jesus alone brought to sinning people like me. It’s what we need most and cannot attain except with Jesus.

It’s grace. Grace eliminates the horror we deserve and provides generously the beauty we do not deserve. 

Grace is absolutely necessary for a great marriage; the intention of forgiving in advance whatever hurt a spouse may cause is the secret to having an awesome marriage. Every other approach to marriage will come up short and soon have the couple drowning in the quicksand of resentment and bitterness. 

Since grace is necessary for marriage and it cannot be found except in Jesus, its author, then Jesus is necessary for any marriage to be a good one. 

Some may say, “Wait, I agree that my marriage needs grace, but I disagree that I cannot produce the grace it needs without Jesus’ help.”

Well, I strongly disagree. But let’s assume for a moment that you’re right. You don’t need Jesus in your marriage because you can produce grace from your own heart and give it out freely to your spouse. In that case, you can have an awesome marriage without Jesus having a place in it.

Again, it is no more possible to produce grace apart from Jesus than to produce an elephant from a mouse. But if you could, and you could have a great marriage without Jesus, you still have no hope for eternity. You’ll have a great marriage on this earth. But once you and your spouse do by death finally part, you will enter into a forever long regret, because only through Jesus may you attain eternal life with God in Heaven. So, foolish spouse, you have gained the whole marital world, but lost your soul.

If you’re a person who hasn’t gone all in on Jesus, please realize that He is God’s answer to our sin problem. Start now believing in Him to make you right with God and to be reconciled with Him forever.

And simultaneously, allow Him the seat of honor in your marriage relationship. For He is that necessary third in marriage.

I did a project several years ago, matching up a verse of Scripture to every month and day in the year. For July 7^th (7/7), it’s Matthew 7:7 It can be called ASK Day, and I think it should be a recognized holiday, or holyday, maybe. Matthew 7:7 goes like this: Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened to you.

An important thing to know is that these verbs, ask, seek and knock, all three are in present imperative tense in the Greek manuscripts. That means these verbs are described as continuous actions, letting us know that we’re invited by God to keep our requests continually before him, rather than shooting Him an occasional quickie. 

Jesus, who spoke these words in His Sermon on the Mount, reiterated this point with a parable that’s recorded in Luke 18. There was a judge who had no love for God nor people, so fair and right judgment wasn’t his goal. However, there was a widow who came (present imperative tense) relentlessly before him, calling on him for justice in her case. 

The judge cared nothing about her having justice, yet he gave in and heard the case, just to bring an end to her annoying pleas. 

If a judge, explained Jesus, answered the request of someone he cared nothing about, can’t we bring, with confidence, to our loving Father, who desires to give us whatever we need, the requests on our hearts?

Some Bible publishers title this parable The Unjust Judge, but the title I prefer, which some publishers use, is The Persistent Widow. That title emphasizes the widow’s persistence above the poor character of the judge, and I think that’s more appropriate, as in keeping with Jesus’ lesson.

God retains His sovereignty in all matters, and as His submissive children, we defer to His will, actually ultimately preferring His will. Thus Paul, after three requests – each being lengthy, by my estimation – accepted God’s solution to his problem, a different solution than Paul had requested. And God’s only Son, Himself, accepted the Father’s will over His own after praying three times in Gethsemane (Luke 22).

So God’s Sovereign will always has the final say.

But then there was the Canaanite woman (Matthew 15) begging Jesus, then His disciples, then Jesus again, to help with her demon-possessed daughter. She was so persistent that she seemed to finally convince Jesus to do what He first had refused at to do. That story is probably the best real-life play-out of the principle of persistence in prayer – the ASK Principle.

And I believe God’s will is that we participate in many more real-life examples of the principle by asking, seeking and knocking with persistence.

So happy ASK Day! May we be reminded on this day to persistently seek God for our needs every day of the year!

9-year-old Simon dragged the freshly cut olive tree limb to his father’s shop. “Here is the last one, Father. I stripped all the shoots off. I delimbed the trunk but it was too heavy for me to bring to the shop.”

“You will be shouldering the trunks soon enough, my son.”  Rufus did welcome the idea of his son becoming a strong grown man who could carry a larger load of the family business, but he did not want to wish away his childhood. Besides, in four days, just after the Sabbath, Simon would travel with Rufus as he shipped a load of pulp across the Mediterranean. 

Rufus’ business supplied wood used for crucifixion crosses to governors throughout the Roman world. The shipment would be ready in two days, but Huldah, Rufus’ wife, was a Jew and insisted that Simon learn to observe the Sabbath and other Jewish traditions. 

There could be no working on the Sabbath, including delivering shipments. It was bad enough that Rufus supplied the Romans with a resource for their heinous persecution of her people, but to do it on their holy day was out of the question.

And life was much better for everyone when Huldah was happy.

“What is the destination for your current load?” Huldah asked Rufus as they and Simon shared the evening meal. She prayed his answer would not be the coast of Palestine.

“Cyprus,” Simon answered as he tore another piece of bread in two, gave one piece to Simon with a smile and began sopping his bowl with the other. “We will return three days after leaving.”

“Father, may I man the helm?” Simon always made this request of his father but seldom got a favorable answer in return.

Perhaps on our return trip, after our load is delivered.” Rufus knew how volatile the sea was and how easily the logs could roll off their small ship and into the water.

Most importantly, keep safe and dry.” Huldah was far more concerned about her son than about any logs the Romans would use to torture people.

——————————————————–

24-year-old Simon walked into his parents’ home. “ Mother, I’ll be leaving tomorrow with the shipment.”

But that will have you travelling back during Passover, will it not, my son?”

No, Mother, the shipment is going to Joppa. From there I will travel into Jerusalem for the Passover. Then I will return after the feast.”

You’ll be in Jerusalem for the Passover! Nothing could bring me greater joy! Oh, I am so very proud of you, son!”

“Thank you, Mother. I only wish you could be with me.” Simon knew that was not possible for his mother now, since she was advancing in years and declining in strength.

It’s ok, I will celebrate here in Cyrene with our Jewish brothers and sisters. I made my pilgrimage when I was younger, so I do not feel less fortunate.”

——————————————————–

Simon was just outside the crowded city of Jerusalem. Two full days on the ship and a very long day on a donkey, and he could feel every mile of the journey in his weary body. At least he would soon be reclining and enjoying the lamb, unleavened bread and wine of the feast, just another half mile to the eastern district of the city.

“You there!” A Roman soldier barked at Simon. 

Simon turned to see a grimaced face staring down on him. “Me?” He was used to dealing with Rome, not being demeaned by them.

“Carry His cross!” The soldier pointed to a man stumbling under the weight of a cross, struggling to get it up the hill. Simon could see that the man, almost naked, had been badly whipped and beaten and wore, pressed into his head, a crown crudely crafted from thorny vines. Simon rushed to the man’s aid, lifting the cross as he had done so many times during his workdays.

“Thank you, sir, you are most kind.” The man struggled to speak, yet His genuineness came through very clearly.

“For what crime are You being crucified?” Simon blurted from his curiosity.

“All of them.” Simon did not understand the answer but it was the truth.

Simon processed what those words could have meant as he carried the cross to the top of the hill where more Roman soldiers commanded him to lay it down. He laid the cross down and turned to walk away. As he made his way back down the hill and back toward the Zion Gate, Simon struggled to understand how he would be able to enjoy the feast. The sound of hammers slamming onto nails and the screams of the men they tortured was difficult to hear. But hours after the hammering stopped, in Simon’s mind echoed memories of the hundreds of trees he’d prepared for such executions. 

——————————————————–

Simon lay awake deep into the morning hours as he contemplated his abbreviated conversation days before with the battered man too exhausted to carry His cross. What crime? All of them. What could that mean. 

Talk had already reached Cyrene of a man crucified in Jerusalem during Passover who was now alive again. What could that be about? Perhaps Simon would learn more on his next delivery trip to the Eastern Mediterranean.

And as they were coming out, they found a man of Cyrene named Simon whom they compelled to carry His cross. – Matthew 27:32

The book I’ve gifted people more than any other is How Am I Smart? by Kathy Koch. The author recognizes that the question shouldn’t be “am I smart?” because we all are. Nor should it be, “how smart am I?” because that question cannot be answered accurately. 

The assertion is that we’re all smart, we just need to figure out in what way we’re smart. Kathy Koch uses the research of two Harvard professors to identify 8 types of intelligence, or “smarts.” These smarts may or may not line up with classroom smarts, the only type of smart we often acknowledge.

Ms. Koch offers these 8 smarts to help parents better understand their kids but it can help teachers better understand their students, as well as help anyone to better understand others and themselves. 

The 8 smarts are logic-smart, picture-smart, people-smart, self-smart, body-smart, nature-smart, music-smart and word-smart. I won’t go into the meaning of each; their mere names help, but reading the book is necessary to understand them fully.

My point here is not to divulge the 8 smarts as much as to activate the thinking that there are different ways people can be smart. It helps a person immensely to understand that they learn and function well in certain aspects so they can gain much needed self-confidence and accomplish more in their life.

Most importantly, I want to add two more smarts to the list. One of these two smarts is more important than any other, and as we raise our kids, as well as manage our own lives, this is the smart we most want them and us to have.

The two smarts I propose to add are world-smart and eternity-smart. The contrast between the two is greater than that of any of the other smarts and their respective counterparts. For example, a self-smart person will recognize they process thoughts better alone where they can internalize without distraction, whereas a people-smart person sees that they need to be around people more because they manage better in social settings and accomplish more through social interaction and external processing.

World-smart people are often considered the smartest people, but compared to their eternity-smart counterparts, their smart has parameters that block their access to a whole other world of wisdom and knowledge. For example, they can tell you all about physics and speak wisely about all things humanistic, but they know nothing about things after this world age, outside mortality or the order of things beyond this universe. 

All of Kathy Koch’s 8 smarts have advantages and disadvantages. But being eternity-smart allows us understanding of the truths God lays out for us about Himself, our enemy the devil and eternity, while giving us the clearest perspective of this life through the lens of eternity, making us actually smarter about this world than those who are only world-smart. But the world-smart, while they may be keen to the knowledge within the box of this age and system, are numb to the words and ways of God.

As we raise our kids and prepare them for life, let’s be sure to prepare them for eternal life. All these smarts are gained through a combination of genetics and environment. Eternity-smart is no exception. We’re all born with a need for eternal life and the capacity to understand that need and how to fill it with the gift of Jesus, thus the term childlike faith. As parents, we have the ability to train our kids up in that smart or to train it out of them, opting to train them to be world-smart instead. 

For a great lesson that helps us grow as an eternity-smart person, watch this:

Francis Chan Rope Illustration

Marriage takes effort. Every married couple knows that all too well. But as with other worthwhile endeavors, it’s often more important to work smart than to work hard. If our goal is to value our spouse (and it should be), it’s smart to designate significant time to meditating on our spouse. 

My use of the word meditation is different from many in our culture. The meditation I’m referring to is rumination, or giving repetitive consideration to a subject. 

Some animals, like cattle, chew the cud. Cud is partially digested food. I for one am glad humans don’t chew the cud. Gross!

But humans, more than any other animal, can ruminate mentally. Our thought process is often to rethink what we’ve thought about previously. A lot of our meditation we do without (pardon the ironic pun) even thinking about it.

Any Christ follower who wants to make the most of their walk with God will find it necessary to spend time meditating on His Word and in prayer. My early morning time alone with God gets my focus and attitude into a productive place; I’ve become so accustomed to that daily time that I’m practically addicted to having it.

I realized sometime back, though, that if I need meditation time to help me value a perfect and holy God and keep my relationship with Him strong, then I probably should spend some regular time meditating on the qualities of my wonderful, albeit imperfect wife. 

Here are three guidelines I recommend, and I’ll include some examples from my own spousal meditation:

1. Identify a strong character quality in your spouse. My wife has a very strong sense of commitment. For her, that means she’s dog-with-a-bone committed to God and to me, her husband. I see this everyday as she helps me accomplish things I cannot do alone. This light really shone brightly during my stroke recovery, when I had some serious limitations. She was and is tireless in whatever she’s committed to, and I’m super blessed to have her as my wife.

2. Identify a physical quality you love about your spouse. For my wife, it’s her lips. She has beautiful lips. It’s one of the features that attracted me to her thirty-seven years ago, and I still find myself captivated by them, especially when she’s talking.

3. Reflect on something your spouse has done recently that you appreciate greatly. My wife is truly a Proverbs 31 wife, and her modus operandi is to focus her efforts on entrepreneurial projects and to be industrious and productive in them. She holds Super Host status with Air B & B with our Coastal Country Cottage, which she renovated, marketed and now operates with the highest possible quality. She is also overseeing the renovation of a rental property we hope to soon sell at a profit and does so with the highest level of quality and style. All these projects she does without dropping a single degree the quality of the day to day family, church/ministry and professional responsibilities to which she’s committed herself.

One more suggestion: try not to compare your spouse to others. As I write this I can imagine readers comparing their spouse to mine. But God has given each person a unique set of qualities that renders them incomparable. Focus is the key, and as I quiz my five-year-old grandson, focus means thinking about how many things? One. So keep your focus on your spouse and their best qualities.

I highly recommend spousal meditation, and not just once but regularly. I promise that, just as our walk with God is made better by taking time to meditate on His awesome qualities, so will be the walks we’re in with our spouses as we add spousal meditation to our lifestyles. 

Marriage is one of the most puzzling things on earth. How can a couple have a fulfilling marriage for life?

There’s no shortage of answers to that question; just search on YouTube and you’ll be inundated. But how many of those answers are truly helpful? Not many.

People are searching for the wrong kind of love. And therein lies the problem. The romantic, feeling driven love was created by the same God who created marriage, but it wasn’t intended to sustain for a lifetime. Its purpose is to attract two people who will soon move into a different kind of love. It’s that love that sustains our marriages for the decades that we live together in matrimony. That love is agape, from the Greeks, and it’s the best kept secret on earth. 

Agape-love is exactly the same thing as grace, and it truly is amazing. It’s what Jesus introduced to us by removing our sin with His sacrificial crucifixion-death. Agape-grace-love shows up in my marriage in this way: 

My dear wife, I have decided in advance to show you every kindness regardless of what you do or don’t do. You need not earn anything because I have decided to love you without regard to any circumstances. I stand ready to forgive and forget any wrong for which you may or may not be responsible. This is the love with which Jesus has loved me and is the love present in me with His Spirit. Since this love comes from God to me, how can I withhold it from you, my friend, my sister in Christ and my dear wife?

Two other really cool secrets.

First, a married couple who both live in grace toward each other will soon find themselves no longer lacking in the romantic love they once had. That’s right, the path back to marital romance is through grace. 

The second and final secret is this. Grace isn’t only the secret to a great marriage, it’s the secret to any relationship. God used it to make our relationships with Him awesome, and it’ll make friendships, business partnerships, parent-child and every other relationship the best they can be.

What’s the secret to a fulfilling marriage? In a word, grace.

And it’s Heaven’s best kept secret.

This week my wife and I attended the annual Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference at Ridgecrest Conference Center near Ashville, NC. This was my fourth time attending and my wife’s third. 

This was a special year for me because the blog I write each week (this one) placed second in the writers’ contest, and my book, Brilliant Faith, was a finalist.

It was special for a couple other reasons, too. Two friends, Lindsay and Courtney, attended for the first time at the encouragement of my wife and me. I first attended in 2016 when my friend, Andrea, a great literary talent, encouraged me, so I wanted to take a page from her book (pardon the pun) and urge some other aspiring authors to attend. They both loved it, along with Lindsay’s son, Braden, a college student who sees himself publishing a book in the future as he pursues other life interests.

Being at the conference always reminds me that authors come in all personality types and backgrounds, with a broad array of varying interests and a diverse range of abilities as writers. The one thing they (actually, we) have in common is we have a literary work within us. It may be a novel, a novella, a devotional, a book of poetry, children’s book or book of photographs It could be an instructional, inspirational or biographical book, or some combination of the aforementioned genres and sorts.

What I’m getting to is that, if you’re reading this, which means you’re literate, I believe you have some sort of publication in you. 

Often, the first thought a future author has is “I could never write a book; I’m just not qualified.” If that’s you, I’d love to change your mind. If you’ll honestly search your heart for a second you’ll likely admit that you’ve had the idea to write a book before. Let me tell you a few things that may give you some confidence:

1. You don’t have to be a “writer” to be an author. One of the best books I’ve ever read is Forgiving the Nightmare. It’s author, Mark Sowersby, tells me that when he wrote his first draft, he used no punctuation and no capitalization. He gave the draft to his wife who did a grammatical edit, being careful to keep in the draft her husband’s personality and intent, and then forwarded the manuscript to the publisher. Mark is intelligent and a great communicator, but the most efficient way for him to write his story (You’ll be amazed if you read it, I promise.) was to just get the words down, knowing more work would be done with them later.

2. Everyone has an interesting story; it just needs to be transferred from their mind to the page. Maybe your story is your life’s story because you’ve lived long enough to include a great many experiences. Or maybe your story would be a certain experience you’ve had or witnessed. Whichever the case, there’s a story in you that just needs to be transferred to the written page.

3. If you feel your strength is in your knowledge or insight, rather than your story, then there are people who would benefit from what you have to offer; they just need you to write it for them.

I firmly believe everyone has something to say. They just need to realize it themselves.

So please consider authoring a book. Then, go ahead and start writing it. Then, keep going until it’s complete. You won’t regret it!

Tom Wolfe’s Novel, You Can’t Go Home Again, makes an assertion few would challenge. The title is a self-evident statement, so it isn’t necessary to read the book to understand its general meaning. 

Anyone who’s returned to their former home finds at least two things that have changed, often almost beyond recognition: their home and themselves. Add for consideration that the person’s memory of their home is askew and we realize going “home” again really is impossible.

I learned this reality over the years, each time I would visit my parents. My perspective was evolving and so was my family of origin. It was kind of sad, realizing that ever so often we had to say goodbye to a tradition or familiar set of circumstances and move forward accepting something different. 

I’ve realized recently, though, that we can no more leave home than we can go back home. Both of my parents passed away eight years ago, and although they’re never coming back, their almost tangible influence is still very real. I both appreciate and enjoy the memories of lessons they taught me over half a century ago. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t get away from my parents.

My siblings and I – all five us – have remained close. Our sibling text group stays pretty busy, each of us sharing thoughts and feelings we’re experiencing that relate somehow to our years growing up together. 

Social media has made it much easier to also stay in touch with friends from life’s previous chapters; every time I see a post or message from an old friend, who is very much a part of my home of origin, it, too, keeps me connected to home. 

So while it’s true that you can’t go home again, it’s also true that you can’t ever leave home. 

It could be said that we’re caught between leaving home and returning home, never fully free to do either. While that’s a precarious position, it’s neither dire nor dangerous. The fact is, whether we realize it or not, we are where we are and we are who we are, and we’re always dependent upon the protective and guiding hand of the Almighty. Being unable to either leave or return home is still an okay place to be. Besides, if I have the choice, I’m not sure whether I would choose leaving or returning. And the best place to be is neither of those, but in the place of walking with God, and He is here walking with us in this no-man’s land between home and away.

This is just another of a multitude of ways of looking at life. And life from any perspective is good and comfortable because we have the promise from Jesus that He’ll never leave us or turn His back on us. So with Him, we can always be at home and leaving is never a desire or reality. There’s one more problem to which Jesus is the answer. A la Romans 7:25, thank You God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. And it always is.

“Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭7‬:‭25‬ ‭NLT‬‬

My nephew will be married soon. I wrote some comments to him and his fiancé. I’ve adapted them for a general readership and offer them here to any who are soon to be wed. CONGRATS provides an acrostical structure.) 

Choice.

Perhaps you’ve been choosey. Well, I think it’s paid off for you to be choosey. Probably both of you have chosen not to pursue other opportunities; and because of that, you were able to make the choice you’ve made. You’ve chosen wisely. So congrats on the choice you both have made!

Over.

The single phase of your life will soon be over. I encourage you to be completely over that phase. Don’t think, speak or act like a single person. Instead, approach everything together as a married couple, two people in complete unity. The old mentality of singleness will present itself to you and seek to be invited in. Tell it that it’s no longer welcome in your life, that it’s been replaced forever.

Never look back.

Never second guess your decision to marry each other. You’ve given ample thought and prayer to your decision with counsel from wise people who love you. There can never be regrets or “what ifs” about your past. Having a good marriage means looking ahead, not behind.

Grace.

Grace means you’ve decided that, no matter what your spouse does or doesn’t do, you’re going to show them kindness. This is what Jesus has brought to us and it’s the most important factor in a successful marriage.

Relatives.

Relatives can be a negative for a marriage, but you have family (and let’s add close friends, too, because they’re like family) who are for you and not against you. Surround yourselves with those people and keep a safe distance from the others. When you need support of some kind, go to your advocates who will build your marriage up, not the adversaries who would tear it down. Remember, a boxer goes to his own corner between rounds, not to his opponent’s. Speak to your wedding officiate before your wedding and ask them to issue an invitation to your wedding party during your ceremony, asking them to indicate by applause their commitment to always support your marriage and to never undermine it.

Always.

Marriage is for always and without any breaks (the only Scriptural exception being a brief abstention from physical intimacy so you can pray separately without distraction). I encourage you to go into your marriage with no plan B. You will be together for the entire time that you both are on this earth, beginning on your wedding day. Try not to see that as a pressure, but as a privilege. Think about it. You two get to do for the rest of your life the very things you so long for now – being together, tackling challenges together, parenting together, accomplishing things together, talking together, laughing together, crying together and sleeping together. What a wonderful thing – marriage – and God created it for you to enjoy together! Always.

Together.

I encourage you to do everything you can together rather than separately. There’ll be some things you’ll do individually, and you guys will figure out when that’s best. But I think it’s best to have your finances together, rather than his and hers. Spend as much time as possible together and make all your significant decisions together.

Sui Generis.

Sui Generis is a Latin term that means unique. Remember, there isn’t another couple like you. There never has been and never will be. You’ll get a lot of advice. You should prayerfully consider advice from the wise and caring, but remember that your relationship wasn’t created with a cookie cutter, so you can make your own decisions. And some of your decisions may be different from what any other couple would make. Most importantly, seek God in your decision-making. He’s the one who created two unique people and brought you together as an even more unique couple. 

Congrats to you soon-to-be-married! I wish and pray God’s will for you, His very best! May the journey you both take together be fulfilling and inspiring! Love and Prayers!

My wife, Sharlene, and I have six children. We’re very proud of all of them. They’re all doing very well in life, but some of them have chosen to reject the life of faith in Jesus that we tried to prepare them for during their formative years. And while we’re so very pleased with pretty much all of their life-paths, the path choice of doing life without friendship with Jesus is heart-breaking for us. I know we aren’t the only Christian parents in this situation. So I want to offer some advice that will, hopefully, be both encouraging and enlightening.

Make sure they know you love them. My wife and I received a letter from our son letting us know he had made some decisions in his life, one of which was to not live by faith in Jesus. This news destroyed us and all we could do for several days was cry, hug and pray. 

As we told our other kids about their brother’s letter, they all came straight to me. “Now, Dad, you’ve gotta just love him.”

Every one of them – and Sharlene – said the same words. It bothered me that they thought I needed coaching in my response.

“Of course I’m going to love him! But if I get a chance to talk with him, I’m going to deal with this.” I honestly thought I could change his mind if I could just sit down with him.

“No, just love him. That’s all you need to do. He knows how you feel; he’s heard it his whole life. Now he just needs to know you love him.

Trust God with their journey. As Sharlene and I sat at dinner that week with our son and his wife, the Lord spoke very clearly to me, “The reason you feel you have to deal with this is because you don’t trust Me to do it.”

What my family were all trying to say to me God essentially said in a way that cut straight to my heart. Once I understood His perspective on it, I was able to be at peace with not being in control of it.

Back to the idea of just loving them for a second. It’s challenging to communicate love in an age when people equate love with approval. If you love me, you’ll approve my choices; if you don’t approve how can you expect me to feel love. We’ve learned that love must be shouted, while disapproval must be whispered, if said at all.

Don’t accept condemnation for their choices. One of the thoughts that invaded our minds was that we had made some mistakes that caused our son to reject Jesus. Two truths helped us get past that condemning idea: 

1. Sharlene heard a podcast speaker one day on her drive who pointed out that God Himself created his first two children without sin, placed them in a sinless environment and had fellowship with them every day; and they still chose to go against His plan for them. The point was that, if that can happen to the kids of our perfect Father, why would we take on condemnation if it happens to ours?
2. Days after receiving the letter, I preached a message on John 9 (The Man Born Blind). In this story, Jesus’ disciples asked him why the man was born blind. Was it his sin or his parents’ sin? Those were the only two possibilities in their minds. But Jesus opened their minds to a completely different possibility. It had nothing to do with the cause of the blindness; more important was the purpose of it. It was neither his or his parents’ sin, Jesus revealed, but so that the work of God could be manifest. The disciples were focused on the cause; Jesus pointed them to the purpose. Then He healed the man (the works of God) and fulfilled the purpose for the man’s blindness. We learned to focus on God’s purpose, knowing it’s ultimately to give our son eternal life and bring glory to God. We decided we’d focus on purpose and not cause.

Gather an army of prayer warriors. I don’t know how we would’ve gotten through those first weeks after receiving the letter without the prayers and encouragement of so many of our friends. Our small group basically saved our life during that season. That was seven years ago now, and we still depend upon the prayers of our Christian brothers and sisters.

See them as you would someone who isn’t your child who isn’t yet a Christ follower. We meet people all the time who are about our kids’ age who aren’t Jesus followers yet. We never even think of being compulsory or applying pressure to those people to accept Jesus. So why would we think that response would be effective – or appropriate – with our kids? We’ve learned to see our kids as friends. The age of our having authority over our children is gone. And we don’t want to be manipulative parents. We’ve decided to just be friends; that’s all we can really be anyway.

Obviously, I’m referring to prodigal kids who are adults living their own lives. For kids still under their parents roof and/or authority, I’m sure the advice should be different. 

If you’re the parent of a prodigal and would enlist Sharlene and me as prayer warriors, please leave your invite in the comments, no names necessary.