Sometimes, when I officiate wedding ceremonies, I’ll include this statement in the vows:
I vow to do my best to make it easy for you to love me
The idea is that, even though we’re called by God to love our spouse with agape-love (the love that requires nothing in advance or in return, that we give regardless of circumstances), it’s best if we don’t keep them in a position of having to love us in response to unpleasant conditions, if we provide for them traits and behaviors for which they’re thankful and by which they’re inspired, even to which they’re attracted.
It contributes greatly to our sense of feeling secure to have a spouse who we will love us no matter what. But it’s also nice for them to carry traits that are pleasant, inspiring and desirable.
So, I think it’s best if each spouse will commit to love with agape love while helping their spouse live as happily as possible.
I don’t like the statement, I left my spouse because I wasn’t happy. But I love the statement, I want to do everything possible to make my spouse happy.
If my goal is for my spouse to be happy, rather than to be happy, myself, I’ll be a good spouse. And the marriage with two good spouses, both of them endeavoring to make the other happy, is a very good marriage.
So, here’s the dare: I dare you to ask your spouse, How can I make you happy, so you don’t have to love me with only agape love, but have gratitude, inspiration and attraction concerning me as your spouse?
That’s the Spouse Question. Encourage them to be completely honest; and be ready, yourself to be challenged by their response.
Take the dare and see if your marriage isn’t transformed.
