I love the term helpmate. Dissect the word and you have help (to provide what’s needed, to satisfy a need) and mate (partner).
Say the word in the marriage context and immediately for many comes the idea of the wife subserviently helping the husband accomplish his responsibilities.
It’s true that Genesis designates the word to the woman God made to partner with the first man. But that’s really the middle English word chosen in translation. The Hebrew phrase there (ezer kenegdo) is another two part expression meaning respond to + strength, power or rescue.
Does that sound subservient to you? Not to me.
I understand it well because my helpmate is very strong and often comes to my rescue.
But let’s flip this for a second and see if it fits the husband. I’ll pose a couple rhetorical questions.
Husband, would like to be the powerful rescuer for your wife?
What husband doesn’t want this role?
So we can see that:
- Being a helpmate isn’t for an inferior one; if anything, it’s for the one stronger in some way.
- Helping is more heroic than it is inferior.
So, if helping is the calling of both husbands and wives, are we really helping our spouse or not?
A spouse can be a help, but they can also be a hindrance. Here are three checks to make sure you’re the former and not the latter:
1. Pay attention to your spouse’s need. Your intentions could be to help while you’re really hindering them. It’s important to help the way they need it, rather than the way you want to give it. Like speaking their love language instead of yours, learn to speak their help language.
2. Help with humility. While helping may be heroic, let your spouse call you the hero while you assume a more lowly posture. Proverbs 27:2 is Let another praise you and not your own mouth.
3. Don’t take your spouse’s help for granted. Your spouse helps you so faithfully that you’ve come to expect it. Ok, fine. But always be expressively grateful for their help and imagine what your life would be like without it; that’ll help you keep the right attitude.
Are you a helpful spouse? Or are you a hindrance to your mate?
Whatever you were before reading this, I hope you can go forward as a true helpmate.
