It takes a lot of wisdom and understanding to rear children so that they know grace firsthand by the time they’re adults. I don’t think I was successful at it in my parenting years because I didn’t understand how, or even that, it should be done. (Sorry, kids)
If we want to know how to parent, where better to look than to our Heavenly Father? Think of His parenting life as spanning over human history. Ultimately, He introduced the grace phase, through His Son, Jesus. But He didn’t start with that approach; however, He knew that would be the final phase before we are glorified for eternity.
In the first phase, God allowed mankind to develop without the Law; it wasn’t time for it yet. This is like the phase between birth and child-understanding, up through about age two or three; children can’t yet understand rules very well, so we teach them by reinforcing good behavior and correcting poor behavior. This is the phase when we try to convey two principles that may seem to the child to conflict with each other: our authority over them and our love for them. Also, like God did in this phase, we rely to a degree on the consciences God put in them when He created them. Whatever disciplinary or corrective action we take in this phase, the child needs to know we love them and are trying to help them become a good person.
Eventually, through Moses, God established the Law for His children. He was meticulous in prescribing the rules and the appropriate responses when the rules were broken. This is like when our kids get old enough to understand instructions and we can expect obedience from them. Their understanding is more important here than in the previous phase, when authority had been what we needed to establish. If you haven’t established your authority early in this phase, this phase will be very difficult because you have to play catchup, establishing authority and understanding for decision-making at the same time; but God makes all things possible. You’ll just need a lot of patience.
Then came the day God had prophesied and longed for – when He would send His Son to launch the grace phase. The Law had been in effect for about 1,500 years before someone (Jesus) fulfilled it (obeyed it completely). As part of the transition into grace parenting, Jesus demonstrated obedience to both the Law and the will of the Father. That was a nice piece of parenting, Jesus setting perfect examples of obedience, sacrifice, justice and mercy; by the way, if you’re confused by the Son parenting us, remember that Isaiah called Him the Everlasting Father, and Jesus said He and the Father are one, and that if we’ve seen Him, we’ve seen the Father.
We need to bring our kids into an understanding of grace, which requires that the law be phased out. A ceremony marking this change of phase can be very effective. Once the phase has begun, if parents are still operating according to the law phase, the child will be confused, possibly resentful of parents’ not keeping their word, and probably doubtful that grace can really work, perverting the reality of the grace God offers us. Parents who hold to the law phase too long are like the Pharisees of Jesus’ day, functioning as little more than law enforcement officers requiring more of others than they are able to do, themselves.
It’ll be a very different, counterculture parent that really pulls off applying grace to their kids. Kids in their final days before and into college and/or career will, in the grace phase, experience the natural consequences of their actions, and, thereby, learn their lessons, but there won’t be additional consequences parents could impose for punishment. Rather, parents will function more like the Spirit that dwells within us, counseling them as they navigate life.
Kids moving into adulthood having been trained up as both recipients and conduits for others to receive God’s grace will be a shining light in their culture. What an awesome advantage, going into the adult world with God’s grace deeply ingrained in them! And that’s exactly what parenting with grace will yield.
Excellent