For the relationship between husband and wife, God has provided the ideal model. Jesus Christ is the model for the husband and His church serves as the wife’s.
To discover very specific treasures in our New Testament archetype we can peer beyond the surface of the Christ-church relationship to the lessons Jesus taught His followers during His days of earthly ministry.
One such lesson comes from the words Whoever has ears, let them hear. Jesus used this phrase when He wanted to alert listeners to a truth hidden within a parable. It would take more than casual listening, way more than sound waves entering the ear canal. This kind of hearing demanded intense concentration, opening the mind to process every possible literal and figurative meaning the words could have and settle on the one intended in the story.
There are a few things to consider as we apply this concept to marriage.
- For Your Ears Only. Just as Jesus reserved some lessons for His followers, spouses open parts of their hearts for their spouse, and only their spouse. Jesus used parables for the purpose of hiding ideas. Things are hidden both from and for, to shield them from outsiders and avail them for the intended. Jesus laid a layer of story around his lessons to protect them from wolves, then explained them to His sheep, but He loved it when His sheep listened so well that they understood without explanation.
A husband or wife loves it when their spouse hears their deeper heart through the outer layers that conceal their innermost needs. While they’re willing to spoon feed their understanding if necessary, there’s a special warmth of heart that comes when their spouse gets what’s been hidden for them because they’re listening closely.
It can be frustrating, especially for an oblivious husband like I’ve been at times, when it feels like the spouse is hiding it from you and expecting you to still find it. But this kind of hearing can be developed, and it’s a very satisfying skill to grow into, for both the growing spouse and the one wanting to be heard.
- Seek and you shall find. Jesus made this promise concerning His kingdom in His most widely known sermon. Like all His principles, it has multiple applications, not the least being to spouses finding their spouse’s heart. This principle takes all the pressure off the outcome. The burden of success is carried by the seeking. In our context, we could say, listen and you shall hear. What makes it so special for the married couple is that a spouse finds satisfaction in knowing their spouse wants to know their heart and is intently pursuing it.
So, the seeker (listener) finds success in the process, and so does the one sought (listened to). Notwithstanding, though, is the guaranteed outcome, for Jesus’ promise is not empty; the seeker of heaven will find it, and by the same token, the listener of the spouse will eventually hear their spouse’s heart.
- Love and give. Ephesians 5 includes the husband’s directive toward his wife to, like Christ, love her and give himself for her. Lest we’re tempted to assign this responsibility solely to the husband, we must acknowledge in the wife’s assignment the impossibility of submitting without loving and giving.
Loving and giving show up out of necessity in listening and hearing. The ears that can truly hear will deaden themselves to all the enemy’s sounds…your spouse doesn’t mean well…they’re being selfish…they don’t hear you, why hear them, instead, giving ear to the drums of grace…be patient and you’ll see their good heart…give them the benefit of the doubt…hear their heart because they love you.
No matter how long we’re married or how long we walk with God, we’re never going to not need to love and give. It’s the way of the cross and the cross leads us all the way home at the end of our journey. And the cross won’t disappoint on our marriage journey, either.
So, do we have ears to hear our spouse’s heart? In other words, do we have marriage ears? May God give them to us, that we may hear our spouse’s heart.
