A married couple I know were trying to decide whether to continue attending a certain church they had been attending for a few weeks. Every Sunday at morning worship service a church leader would approach the wife and urge her to help in kids’ church. The wife always said yes because the need was there and her gifts and talents were a perfect fit for it.
The problem was that the church did nothing to staff kids’ church until they saw the wife each Sunday morning. The wife told the church leaders that she couldn’t be in kids’ church every week, that she needed to be in the adult service with her husband at least some of the time for her own discipleship growth.
Nothing changed. Each Sunday, a leader would come to the wife and pressure her into serving in kids’ church.
Meanwhile, the husband otherwise loved the church. The preaching was edifying, the relationships he formed were strengthening and the mission of the church resonated with him.
As the husband and wife discussed the church over the weeks, it became crystal clear to each of them that their respective satisfaction with the church were on opposite ends of the spectrum.
As guests in our home one evening, it came to a head. As they were telling my wife and me about their dilemma, it escalated to a full-scale argument. It was intense and both spouses were obviously intent on winning the argument. It was also inspiring, a truly beautiful thing to witness.
The beautiful thing was that each of them was arguing for what was beneficial for the other, not themselves. The husband insisted they leave the church that had become such a burden to the wife, while the wife argued that she could suck it up and they could continue attending the church her husband loved.
I was impressed that they both fought as hard as they could. Each genuinely wanted the other to be satisfied. They verged on being angry, emotions rising as they argued. Neither backing down, this wasn’t a negotiation; nobody was giving an inch. There would be no compromise.
In fact, they left our home that night with the matter unresolved. The argument would continue on.
It’s so cool when God shows you something. That’s what happened that evening; there was divine revelation. This was love, that spouses lay down their wills for one another.
The lesson from this epic, beautiful marriage fight was this:
If you’re going to fight with your spouse, fight for their benefit. I can testify, it’s a beautiful thing.