If you’re in a situation where you’re being threatened, says conventional wisdom, you have two options: fight or flight.
Likewise, if you’re in a marriage conflict, many say, you fall into one of two categories; you’re either a fighter (you tend to address the issue with your spouse) or a flight-er (you tend to avoid the issue).
I’ve always had a problem accepting that those are the only two options. I see a third option.
Isaiah Thomas once made a statement about Larry Bird that the media just knew would offend Larry. But when, in an interview, they told Larry what Isaiah had said, he had a surprising response. He said, “So what.”
He took no offense, but rather, resolved the potential conflict by disarming those who wanted to see a fight.
Jesus said that if we are angry with hatred with someone, we’re in a dangerous place. Always addressing heart issues, not just outward ones, Jesus encouraged His listeners to resolve issues in our hearts.
When He was hanging on the cross, enduring excruciating torture that killed Him, He prayed for His executioners. He neither fought them, standing up for Himself, nor fled from them, avoiding the issue; He forgave them, setting them and Himself free from the issue.
If the innocent and perfect Son of God forgave those with whom He wasn’t friends, the ones murdering Him, shouldn’t we exercise this option with our very best friend, our spouse?
Are we limited to only two options, fight or flee? Is there a third and better option, to set self and spouse free by dealing with issues right there in our heart, not avoiding but resolving conflicts within ourselves without fighting?
How many conflicts can we preclude with quiet forgiveness? Isn’t freedom the best choice?
