King Solomon wrote that there is a time for everything. We read this in Ecclesiastes 3 and Solomon included a list of activities for which there is a time. He didn’t include in the list that there’s a time to be selfish, but I believe there is.
You may disagree, off hand, but let me explain.
One of my favorite movies is The Notebook. In this movie, Noah loves Allie and wants her to marry him. Allie is torn because she has feelings for both Noah and another guy. Noah challenges Allie to consider only what she wants, not what Noah, the other guy, Allie’s parents or anybody else wants. Allie has trouble with this because she doesn’t want to hurt any of the people in her life.
But Noah presses her. “What do YOU want?” To Allie, it isn’t that simple; she can’t just be selfish.
I agree with Noah in this situation. I believe this is the one time in a person’s life when it’s necessary to be selfish.
Before the plane takes off, passengers have to sit through the instructions. Before helping someone else, be sure to secure your own oxygen mask.
There it is, an example of the necessity of a moment of selfishness.
If you’re single and trying to decide whom you’ll be with for life, this is your moment to be selfish.
My advice is to be prayerful about it, being sure to seek God’s direction. And with His direction, decide what it is that you want.
Enjoy this moment, because you can’t carry it into a marriage. In marriage, selfishness is not your friend. So, recognize the time to be selfish, make your decision, and then put your spouse’s needs before your own for the rest of your marriage.
In Solomon’s list we see statements of poetic contrast; for example, there is a time to kill and a time to heal. Likewise, there is a time to be selfish and a time to put others’ needs above our own.
It may help to remember that the time to be selfish is brief, compared to the time to not be.
Of supreme importance is getting the selfish and selfless seasons in their proper places. To choose a marriage partner based on what others want would be as much of a mistake as always putting yourself first in your marriage.
But whether you’re currently in it or not, personally, there is a time to be selfish.
I agree that in making decisions that will impact your life dramatically you should do what is best for yourself so that you can be the best you can be for all of those in your life. You must have the strength needed to be able to help or care for others. No one can drink for a well that is poisoned or has be siphoned off.
That is why forgiveness is so important and might initially seem to be a selfless act. Yet went you harbor unforgiveness in your heart it will poison the well of your soul and everyone you are connected with will drink from that well. Forgiveness may be the best self care you can engage in.