First of all, an apology if you’ve ever said any of these things. I shouldn’t call you or your words stupid, maybe foolish is more appropriate. I decided to use stupid in the title because it would likely grab more attention than foolish would and more people would decide to read it.
There are just three sayings I want to address. They’re kind of pet peeves of mine.
1.You don’t deserve forgiveness. This exposes someone’s complete ignorance of what forgiveness is. Just break down the word forgive, and you see its literal meaning. Give means you offer something to someone from whom you haven’t received something and from whom you neither expect or require something. Then, as if give isn’t clear enough, the prefix for– (from the old word fore) is included. Fore means in advance. It has to do with something occurring ahead of its due time, or being situated in front, as compared with something else. So, to forgive means to award something in advance of when it is deserved or ahead of the time of its compensation. If someone owes you $10,000 and you decide to forgive the debt, that means you aren’t requiring them to pay the debt; you’re essentially giving them the $10,000 and awarding the cancellation of the debt in advance of their paying it off. It works the same with any debt, real or perceived. If someone has wronged you and you forgive them, you’re giving them your cancellation of their making it up to you; you’re freeing them. They didn’t earn it and never will. You’re forgiving them.
2. You deserve it. This statement is thrown around a lot when it isn’t true. I admit, there are situations when people are deserving. For example, I agree with the US Declaration of Independence’s claim that all people, being created equal, deserve to have life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. My problem is when people assume entitlement not rightfully theirs. People say things like I deserve to be happy. Really? You deserve for all people and everything in the universe to align for your happiness? And if you deserve to be happy (not merely the opportunity to pursue your version of happiness), doesn’t everyone else? Do you realize how complicated it would be for everyone to be happy with nobody messing up the happiness of anyone else? Even Jesus, Himself, didn’t set out to make everyone happy; He thought it a better idea that we all shoot for pleasing God and accept the gift of abundant life He offers. And, ironically, this life He offers comes by grace, which means we don’t earn or deserve it; rather, we receive it by faith in His Son Jesus.
3. Love isn’t enough. I’ve heard some very wise people say this about marriage, and I completely disagree. Of course, the first problem is that love has so many meanings, leaving us using one word to represent different things. I do agree that emotional love isn’t enough to sustain a marriage. However, if we’re using the agape-love of 1st Corinthians 13, love will always be enough; the fact is that love is so comprehensive that it includes everything we need. Consider these descriptive statements of agape-love: is patient…is kind…does not envy…does not boast…is not self-seeking…keeps no record of wrongs…always perseveres…never fails. If we have this kind of love, regardless of the relationship, whether marriage or another type, we’ll find that love is absolutely enough. Agape-love being the love God has for us, how could we ever say it’s lacking in some way?
Again, these sayings aren’t stupid, but they often are unwise. Let us choose our words carefully, as God’s Word teaches us.