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In the movie, Cabrini, which I highly recommend, the heroic nun, Frances Cabrini, an Italian orphanage ministry leader wants to expand her ministry to other lands around the globe. But she has many obstacles in her path. The Catholic Church leaders are men who doubt Mother Cabrini’s abilities and disagree with her vision. As she sits with the pope, trying to convince him to ordain her proposed international ministry, he cites the condition of her health; she is a fragile, slight and a physically weak woman who has a terminal illness and has been given five years to live. 

In response to the pope’s pointing out her health limitations, Mother Cabrini retorts, “We can serve our weakness or we can serve our purpose, not both.”

Mother Cabrini continued forward to fulfill her vision, never allowing her weakness to distract from her purpose.

The Apostle Paul was disappointed at the obstacle in his path. A messenger of Satan had been sent to limit his ministry. Paul cried out to God in three probably lengthy attempts. But God’s response wasn’t to remove the messenger or Paul’s obstacles. Rather, God’s response was that His grace would be sufficient for Paul in this challenge, that His strength was made perfect in human weakness. All Paul would need would be the unmerited favor of God. Like Cabrini, Paul’s weakness could not steal the attention his purpose needed.

I became extremely discouraged about two years after suffering a stroke. The losses I had taken seemed more than I could tolerate. The fingers on my left hand would not open. Worse, my music abilities were about ninety percent gone. (I was a music major, studied music one year at the graduate level, spent two years as a Christian songwriter, recording artist and concert musician, and had served in music ministry in various capacities for decades). Now almost all my abilities as a musician had left me. 

The worst loss of all to me was the way I perceived my family treating me. They didn’t seem to hold me in the same position of respect they had in the past. Whereas I had been the patriarch the Tew Crew came to for counsel and always showed honor, I was now like a child that needed constant monitoring for instruction and correction. All this left me exasperated. It was too much for me.

At my lowest point, at the precipice of suicide, the Lord spoke to me these words: Gabriel, there’s only one loss you can’t afford.

As I continued to seek God for understanding, I understood that the only unaffordable loss is a Godly attitude. As long as my attitude was Godly, I could manage well with any loss, including the ones I had seen as intolerable.

Unlike Mother Cabrini and Apostle Paul, I allowed my weakness to gain the attention I needed to give to my purpose. But by the counsel of the Holy Spirit, I got on track, putting my losses in their proper place in my thinking and shifting my focus to the purpose to which God has called me. Now, I have a long list of goals I plan to spend my life trying to reach. These things are all about helping people to know and walk with God. My purpose. 

I could still be frustrated every day – or dead from loss of hope. Paul could’ve given up, and our Bible, as well as Christian history, and the church, itself, would be far less than what they are. Frances Cabrini could’ve nursed her illness, rather than fulfill her purpose, and orphans wouldn’t have grown up to have families and produce descendants who populate our nation and world today. 

Serving our purpose is far better than serving our weakness.

Joseph told his brothers who had badly mistreated him, not to worry. What you meant for evil, he told them, God intended for good. 

A couple months ago, I was fired. There were false allegations by someone with whom the company’s owner was personal friends. I was the leader of the facility and the accuser was the top director on my team. She didn’t like my being in charge of her for some reason, and always pushed back when I offered guidance to her. Come to find out, she was talking with the owner, telling him that I was forcing my religion on my team. After addressing this with my boss, she (my boss) indicated she understood that the team member was lying about me. She even told me I was the best facility leader in the company.

Yet, a couple weeks later, she showed up one day and said I was fired; she cited a divided team of directors in my facility as the reason, which wasn’t the case at all, apart from the one aforementioned falsely accusing director.  

This was the first time I’d ever been fired and I was humiliated. Since then, I haven’t had success getting a job. It could be because I’ve been forthcoming in my interviews about having been fired; I’ve operated by honesty being the best policy and I think it’s better they hear it from me than from someone else. 

I’ve spent many hours seeking God and calling upon Him for help in my employment situation. A few days ago, I felt He was directing me to the Scripture account of King David being forced out of Jerusalem by the uprisen coup and government takeover by his son Absalom.

As David and his loyalists made their way out of the city,  Shemei threw stones at David and his processional, shouting curses at him, all of which were false accusations. Finally, one of David’s men requested permission to go over and remove Shimei’s head. But David denied his request, saying, “Let him curse, because the Lord has said to him, ‘curse David.’ Who then shall make him stop?” (2 Samuel 16)

I asked the Lord how this pertained to me, and the answer I perceived was that God was in my firing and the ensuing struggle to find income. Of course, I pleaded that it wasn’t fair and I didn’t deserve it. But the Lord simply wants me to trust Him. Since when have Jesus followers been exempt from unfair treatment? Blessed are you when people persecute you and say all manner of evil against you falsely (Matthew 5:11). 

What I do know is that God is working this situation for my good (Romans 8:28). I don’t understand everything about it, but He often calls us to trust before we understand (Proverbs 3:5). 

God’s ways are such a mystery sometimes, and we can often have a lot of questions. Did God cause this? Or did He just allow it? What’s the purpose of it? What’s my role in it?

I’ve learned that most of those questions are unnecessary; they don’t get at the real issue. What we really need to understand is that, whatever happens, God will use it for our good, because we’re His and His love and purpose will always prevail. Everything that happens in our lives God will run through His Purpose Filter, assuring that it aligns with His plan and will. 

Finally, though, I do request your prayers, that you would stand with me, asking God to provide His choice job for me at this chapter of my life. Please and thank you, my brothers and sisters.

In Isaiah 1:18, God invites us to a conversation with the King of the universe, Himself, the Creator, Almighty and only divinity. Let’s analyze the invitation word by word, phrase by phrase.

God says come. When the Lord calls us to Himself, He’s calling us to holiness. Holy means set apart. 

When our kids were small, we used time-out as a disciplinary tool. The child would sit in the time-out chair without playing, talking, laughing or crying. They were temporarily separated from all privileges and all fun. Holy is very different from time-out.

My parents didn’t use time-out – too passive for their style. But sometimes, if I misbehaved (and the setting was too public for spanking), my mom would have me sit out of fun with my friends and sit with her. This is a step closer to holy because holy is being set apart with God. With God – important distinction. But being set apart from all things fun, and sitting with my mother, is still a long way from what holy means. 

Holy is to be set apart with God to rule and reign over our lives. Subjects like bitterness, resentment, hatred, greed and lust present themselves before the throne, asking for a place in our kingdom. After we confer with God, we decree that these subjects have no place in our life and are banished from the kingdom.

Forgiveness, love, generosity and hope come before us and, with the counsel of the Lord, we give them a place of honor in our court. This is what it’s like to be holy, ruling and reigning with God over our lives. 

Then, through Isaiah, the Lord says, Let us [do something] together. Whenever the Lord issues such an invitation to mankind, He’s inviting us to one or more of four things: fellowship, revelation, assignment and/or rest. 

Fellowship. Jesus said, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone will open the door, I will come in and have fellowship with them and they with me.” (Revelation 3:20) Fellowship is between fellows, those who are peers or who have much in common. That we would be invited to have fellowship with the King of the universe is mind-blowing. I can more easily see myself having fellowship with the lowest of beings than with the Most High. 

Revelation. “Nor does anyone know the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son reveals Him.” (Matthew 11:27) An invitation to become privy to some esoteric heavenly insight is like the POTUS giving a first-grader clearance for the most classified information. Actually, it’s even more absurd; yet that’s the privilege to which our God has invited us.

Assignment. Follow Me and I will make you fishers of people.” (Matthew 4:19) Simon Peter, Andrew, James and John had their lives changed when Jesus extended them this invitation. Imagine instantly stepping out of the identity of catchers of Galilean fish into the ushers of people into eternal life. And the calling into our assignment is the same, regardless of what our focus was when He called us.  

Rest. “Come to Me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) This rest is peace. We won’t be idle, just the opposite; we’ll be industrious and very productive, but our efforts will carry the satisfaction of the highest of purposes – those of the King.

Reason. The thing God is inviting us to with Him, through Isaiah, is to reason. He says, let us reason together. Reasoning is one of the five thought processes. This process is thinking logically through the reasons for occurrences. It’s A is the reason for B and B is the reason for C. God says to let’s do this together. As we reason with God, there will be fellowship with Him, and there will be revelation for us. 

Anytime we think with God, we’ll be elevated to a higher plane of thought, one we could never reach without Him. His ways are higher than ours and His thoughts higher than our thoughts, as Isaiah wrote in another place (55:9). 

Such an example is when, in John 9, Jesus was with His disciples and they saw a man blind from birth. The disciples inquired as to the cause of the man’s blindness. Was it the man’s eventual sin seen by God in advance or the sin of his parents? In their minds, the only options were somebody’s sin. 

But Jesus reasoned differently with them. Their concern had been cause, but His was purpose. Either could be the reasoning thought process, but Jesus’ purpose focus was much higher than the disciples’ cause focus, which would have served to place blame.

Red…White. Isaiah continued in what saith the Lord with, though your sins are like scarlet and crimson, they shall be like snow and wool. God has committed to move us from deep dark red stain to pure white light innocence. 

This He has done through Jesus Christ and has sent out the invite to everyone for this divine conversation. 

God wants to have an intimate conversation with each of us individually; please join me in accepting His invite and beginning the conversation with Him. I know we’ll all be amazed at the fellowship and revelation.

Come, let us reason together; though your sin is like scarlet it shall be white as snow, though it is red like crimson it shall be as wool. – Isaiah 1:18

This Easter weekend I’m thinking about who it was that Jesus died to save. There is a short answer, which I’ll state in a bit, but it may help to recognize some of the specific people named in the Gospels many would consider unlikely candidates for God’s kingdom. I’ll count down my top ten most unlikely.

10. Thomas the Apostle. This is the guy who, after following Jesus, geographically and spiritually, for about three years, heard Him foretell multiple times His resurrection from the dead and His teaching about the necessity of faith in the Son of God, and still refused to believe the other followers report that Jesus was alive until he touched His scars. Would Jesus include Thomas in His kingdom after such lack of faith? By God’s grace, I believe He did.

9. Simon the Leper. This man was a Pharisee who had had leprosy. Lepers were looked down upon by everyone, except Jesus. Simon was also a Pharisee, a group of generally hypocritical legalists who opposed Jesus more than once, ultimately successful in their condemnation of Him by the Sanhedrin and the Roman government. To me, Simon fits the bill of an enemy more than a saint; yet, Jesus chose him to host one of His last meals, a gesture of fellowship, as He neared the day of the cross.

8. Centurion with Sick Servant. Rome was the Jews’ oppressor during the time of Jesus. They treated the people of Jesus’ race unfairly and harshly, inflicting upon them unbearable burdens and talking to them as if they were dogs. A leader among such a mean class of bullies seems no candidate for the kingdom God would send His Son to populate with faith wielders. But that’s just what this man was, a faith wielder. In fact Jesus commended his faith as being greater than any He’d seen among the Jewish people. That great faith moved the centurion from unlikely to perhaps one of the greatest in the Kingdom.

7. Rich Young Ruler. This man of great wealth wanted to know from Jesus how he could gain eternal life. Jesus essentially told him it would be by being perfect in keeping the Law; then Jesus named some of the commandments, including loving his neighbor as himself. After the rich man claimed perfection under the Law, Jesus gave him a chance to prove it. By doing this additional thing, Jesus added, by liquidating his sizeable holdings and giving the proceeds to the poor. Scripture indicates that the man declined Jesus’ charge with sadness. So did Jesus die for a man who had rejected His invitation? If He did not, I’m in trouble. God gave me many opportunities to say yes to Him, and He probably did for this man also. I don’t have proof, but I believe Jesus offered His blood and body for all who would ever have an opportunity to accept His amazing gift. (Some – Calvinists and Reformists among others – may disagree with me on this one, but I stand by my words; Sorry, brothers and sisters, but I don’t hold to the Limited Atonement part of the TULIP)

6. Mary Magdalene. Two things made Mary unlikely. First, her depth of spiritual darkness. Mary had been the host of seven demons, but Jesus had freed her from them. Second was her gender. Jesus went against the grain of the culture by treating women fairly and respectfully. Jesus didn’t let her past or her gender keep Him from including her among His followers. She even ended up being the one to first discover Jesus’ empty tomb. Many would’ve consider Mary unlikely, but clearly, Jesus didn’t.

5. Matthew. Tax collectors were despised by Jews in the time of Christ. Contractors with the oppressive Roman government, tax collectors earned commission on their collections, so they became wealthy by taxing the people even more than Rome required. Someone who enjoyed the plunders of God’s chosen people and the lifestyle their ill-gotten gain afforded them flew in the faces of their fellow Jewish citizens as they continued to live among them. Yet, Jesus called Matthew and appointed him to be one of the Twelve. Matthew even penned the first Gospel, the first book of the New Testament. So, while many complained that Jesus included Matthew as one of His closest followers and friends, it’s undeniable that Jesus took him from unlikely to one who will judge the multitudes in eternity.

4. Zaccheus. Like Matthew, Zaccheus was a tax collector. Unlike Matthew, he wasn’t invited to Jesus’ close friend group. Does that imply that Zaccheus was unqualified for God’s kingdom? No. Jesus validated Zaccheus by inviting Himself to his home and having a meal of fellowship with him, a gesture of, not only acceptance, but commendation for a Jewish rabbi of the time. The basis for His approval? Zaccheus sought Jesus. Seek, Jesus taught, and you will find. Remember? Zacheus wanted so to see the Messiah that he climbed a tree to get a glimpse. There’s even a song about the diminutive tax collector (a wee little man was he) My Gramma had me sing the little song over and over to her in the cucumber field as a small child. 

3. Samaritan Woman at the Well. This woman was a member of the half-breed race rejected and despised by the Jews. And she was even rejected by her own people because of her immoral lifestyle, having had five husbands and finally opting to share the bed of a man without being married. Her lifestyle would be very common in our culture, but it wasn’t in hers.  And while being from a mix of races is common in our day, it set a person up for social rejection by Jews whom the Law of Moses had instructed to not intermarry with gentiles. But Jesus crossed all those lines to introduce Himself to her as Messiah. Once she understood and accepted what He offered her, she became what some consider the first evangelist, introducing the people of her village, Sychar, to the Savior of the world.

2. Woman Caught in Adultery. Of all the traps Jesus’ opponents set for Him, surely this one would capture Him. How could He support a woman caught in the act of adultery? Moses was clear about this transgression. She must be killed. Jesus had a choice. He could violate the Law or have the woman killed. He couldn’t violate the Law of Moses; that could get Him killed. As for pronouncing a sentence of death for her, He healed, freed and resurrected people; that’s why the crowds believed in Him. He was, like the woman standing before Him, caught. But the wisdom of God would free both of them. A sinner with empirical evidence against her, she would go uncondemned by God. Jesus would at the end of that week go to the cross to pay her penalty, so she could be with Him in eternity. 

1. Thief on the Cross. Here’s one who wasn’t baptized, wasn’t part of Jerusalem’s fellowship of believers; we don’t even know His name. All we know about him is that He was a convicted thief who had the audacity to ask Jesus to receive him into His kingdom. And he may well have been the first soul to enter the spiritual Kingdom of God after life on earth. 

Jesus specialized in changing the status of the unlikely to guaranteed recipients of eternal life. This Easter I’m so glad I’m in that class!

Matthew 13 shows Jesus teaching a truth that, on the surface, seems neither kind nor fair. But, like so many hard sayings of Jesus, it’s difficult only until you un understand His meaning. 

For to whoever has, to him more will be given, and he will have abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him. 

Jesus actually said those words. Some politicians of our time would have a field day if their opponent said something like that. And many opponents of Christianity have tried to leverage those words in their fight against Jesus. 

What Jesus was doing with that statement was showing the chasmic difference between God’s Kingdom and the kingdom of the world (the system that leaves God out) whose king is Satan (the god of this age). 

The difference in the two kingdoms is so vast that one has everything while the other has nothing; one enjoys everlasting painless, glorious, victorious life while the other endures crying and writhing in the lonely, fearful darkness of utter defeat. 

The difference in faith in Jesus and any other faith choice is more than religious nuance, more than an answer to what’s your religion? or we practice this while you practice that. The difference is everything important. 

Jesus, with this statement, shows the difference between being in or not being in God’s family.

For clear understanding, read it this way: whoever is positioned in God’s family by having truth-based faith in Jesus will be given so much more understanding that their life will overflow; but those who reject the offered position in God’s family by rejecting Jesus will not only lack family, but will also lack understanding of the basic truths that Jesus teaches.

My wife, our kids and I, along, now, with our daughters- and son-in-law and grandkids, have knowledge of family matters that those outside the family don’t have. That’s the way it is with any family. Family is exclusive. Those included have access; those excluded do not.

The extremely good news is that everyone is invited into God’s family through choosing to trust in Jesus Christ. 

If Matthew 13:12 makes you angry, please understand that anyone can have a place in God’s family. In fact, He wants everyone in His family (God loved the whole world so much that He gave His only begotten Son…It is not His will that any should perish). 

Every one of us has an invitation to leave forever the have-nots and to ever be one of the haves. In this case, the have-nots are without excuse.

Psalms 103:13 tells us that God has compassion for us in the same way that a father has compassion for his children. The Hebrew / Aramaic word for compassion means “womb. ” The idea is that God loves us as a mother loves the child inside her own womb.

Picture this. You’re swimming in amniotic fluid inside your mother’s uterus. You know without doubt that you are in her womb. But there’s also something attached to your belly, a cord that’s also attached to your mother. Through that umbilical cord nutrients flow from her body into yours. So, while you are literally inside your mother, she is also in you. 

I know this is an unusual illustration and it’s kind of hard to write, as the choice of wording can be tricky. But it does serve as an apt analogy for the oxymoron of two simultaneous realities: we are in Christ and He is in us 

Mylon Lefevre’s prayer-song More (of Jesus) has the lyric, You in me and me in You. This is what Jesus came to accomplish for us, that we would find our identity, our provision and protection, our joy, peace, wisdom and eternal life in Him, and that, simultaneously and not unrelated, His Spirit would dwell in us. The New Testament is a treatise on what we have in Christ Jesus.

Back to the 103^rd Psalm. One version translates that Hebrew word to the English pity. God pities us, it says, because He knows that we are made from dust. He knows exactly our capacity for trouble and limits our trouble to our capacity. That’s how God can sympathize and empathize with us. Sympathize means to be with us (sym) in our trouble (path); empathy means to be in (em) our trouble with us. This is why we’re in Him, because by our being in Him, He is in us, helping us in a myriad of ways. We could also say that’s why He’s in us – because we are in Him. It’s like the old chicken-or-the-egg mystery.

But either way, to the question as to who is in whom, God in us or us in God, the answer is the same as to many either /or questions: Both! It’s like we’re in the womb of God with an umbilical cord constantly filling us with Him.

“I’ll meet you at our normal place tonight.” Caleb stood just outside the Beautiful Gate facing Abigail.

“After what just happened!? How can you pretend nothing has changed?”

“What has changed?”

“I’ve changed!”

“What has changed is that you have been pardoned; now you are free.”

“Yes, free from condemnation. But with my freedom I was told to sin no more.”

“That is what this rogue, self-appointed rabbi said.”

“Yes, and your fellow Pharisees authorized Him to judge when they brought me before Him asking Him to decide my fate.”

“That was merely a trap, my dear.”

“A trap that did not work. And why did you not speak up? How could you stand there, you as guilty as I, my partner in adultery, and say nothing?”

“My wife was in the crowd, as you know. How could I bring her to public shame?”

“Your concern was neither her shame nor mine! It was your own false righteousness that you protected! You are spineless and without a shred of decency. I do not know what either your wife or I ever saw in you!”

“Are you saying it is over between us? Abigail, you cannot mean that.”

“I mean it with all my being.”

“Just because a self-proclaiming Messiah told you to stop?”

“That man is the Messiah. Who else could be wise enough to avoid such shrewd entrapment while both upholding the Law and extending mercy to the guilty?”

“All He showed is that He is shrewd at saving His own skin.”

“And what of the Law, which you are obliged to enforce as a Pharisee? Are we to continue breaking the Law, the Law that prohibits a married man sleeping with another woman?”

“We have always said we would ask for God’s mercy.”

“Well, I just received it. And I will do as the Messiah said, go and sin no more.”

“How will you do that, Abigail? You have never had the strength; where will you find it now?”

“I do not know how I will do it, but I believe the man who released me from condemnation is the Son of God, and somehow He will make it possible.”

“If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

“My mind will not change, Caleb. May God have mercy on you.” Abigail turned and walked away, down the streets of Jerusalem toward her home, praying with every step that she would again see Jesus, her Deliverer and Savior.

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The Law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?” “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” “…the accusers…slipped away one at the time…” “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” “No, Lord,” [the adulteress] said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I Go and sin no more.”

I’ve been meditating on 1 Corinthians 13 for months now. Every day, even though I’ve known this chapter for years, it seems I see something new in its words. 

The statement that’s most recently intrigued me is It always hopes. For context, this chapter is describing the kind of love God has for us – agape-love – and wants us to have for each other. Agape-love is the same thing as grace, which is unmerited favor. This chapter tells us what God’s favor looks like. Remembering with each phrase we read that it’s given whether deserved or not, we see in verse seven that it always hopes. This is amazing to me. God never loses hope in us. Even with our poor track record, projected failures and many shortcomings, God sees our future as a sure thing. 

Hope holds together three traits: something future, desirable and certain. So, God sees my future as something certainly desirable? “Oh God,” I begged, “help me understand this.” And He has. 

While God sees and knows everything, He also has the ability to choose His focus, thereby eliminating the peripheral. He can look at a positive factor in me with such laser focus that He completely disregards the contrasting negatives. And it’s on that basis that He never loses hope in me. Of course the real positive in me is that the Spirit of Christ dwells within me.

Therefore, He continues to invest in me, pouring resources into my life that anyone else, myself included, would consider a bad investment. He relentlessly adds to me relationships, opportunities, valuable resources and all kinds of lavishings because he believes in me. 

Why? Not because I merit them in any way. But it’s because His agape-love works that way. It always hopes.

God, being, as 1 John 4 says, agape-love, Himself, always hopes in us grace recipients. He never doubts we’re worth the investment; He’s always sure we’ll yield the desired results. 

“Well,”you say, “God must be wrong and I must be right, because that’s never been the case and I know that it never will be. My results are often negative, undesirable.”

One of the fundamentals that we need to get, once and forever, is that God’s Word is completely true. And it says that He always hopes in us. Once we accept that truth, we can begin to understand it. 

Understand this. God’s view (And His view is the correct one.) is that the results we yield are desirable to Him. Where we see failure, He may see our growth through a training exercise. Where we see sin, He may see a bad taste in our mouths for something we’ll steer clear of in the future. The point is that He sees results differently, perfectly. And that’s how He can never lose hope in us. 

This explains how God could say, through Jeremiah, that He plans to prosper us, to give us hope and a future.

“Come Simeon, we’re going to hear the Teacher” Simeon’s mother took her five-year-old’s hand to lead him away from his play things and play area.

“Can’t I stay with Grandmother? There won’t be other children where the Teacher is.”

“You do not know that,” Miriam explained to her son. “Besides, I have a special feeling the right thing to do is to take you to see Him.”

Simeon relinquished the toy he’d been holding and gave in to following his mother’s leading hand. Maybe there would be children there to play with. So, Simeon made the best of his mother’s instructions. He would go without argument. 

Mother and son walked hand in hand across the town of Capernaum and entered their friends’ home where a couple dozen or so people had already gathered. 

The Teacher was sitting amidst a dozen men, the ones known as His disciples, who listened intently to His words which seemed to be intended specifically for them. Yet, all others in the house seemed just as curious about what He was saying. 

Simeon had picked up a fig leaf on the trek across town and was squatting on the floor near the Teacher and His disciples, using it to sweep back and forth as a make-believe broom. He was oblivious to the words all the adults were listening to with such interest; they were mere background noise to him.

But the Teacher got Simeon’s attention when He reached down, picked him up and placed him on His lap. The Teacher spoke to His disciples about being like the child sitting in His lap, but Simeon didn’t understand what He meant or even exactly what He said. 

All eyes were on Simeon and, even though children were not usually smiled at in public, everyone was smiling, some almost laughing. 

The Teacher kissed Simeon lightly on the cheek and placed him back on the floor; Simeon returned to his sweeping game.

Soon, the Teacher stopped talking and people began to murmur and move about the room.

Mirium took Simeon by the hand. “Let us return home, son.” Simeon and his mother walked out of the house and onto the street. As they navigated the busy streets of Capernaum, Mirium whispered excitedly to Simeon. “God used you today, Simeon. The Teacher made you an example for His followers. I am so very glad you went with me.”

Simeon felt glad, too.

He took a little child whom He placed among them, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in My name welcomes Me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent Me…If anyone causes one of these little ones – those who believe in Me – to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea.” (Mark 9:36, 37, 42)

On St Valentine’s Day week, I want to offer some insights from my recent personal study. I hope you find this advice helpful:

1. Don’t require your spouse to earn your love. The love I’m talking about here is the Greek word agape, which is the same as grace (unmerited favor) and is the love with which God loves. Its description is found in 1 Corinthians 13 and includes, among others, the traits not self–seeking, keeps no record of wrongs, always trusts, and always perseveres. This is the most important kind of love for a marriage for two reasons: first, it will never give up. No matter what the other spouse does or doesn’t do, the agape-loving spouse will not withdraw their agape-love. The second reason is that it guarantees consistent love response. Whether the other spouse’s treatment is favorable or not, the response will be the same – it will be agape because agape is predetermined entering any and every situation. The spouse on the receiving end of agape will always be loved, no matter what. 

Of course, the ideal is that both spouses would love in this way. When that happens, that marriage has the very best thing a marriage can have – mutual agape. And if one spouse ever drops the ball, the other forgives because grace-love never holds anything against a person. 

2. Truly be your spouse’s best friend. Friends also use agape-love, but the friendship kind of love is based on the Greek word phileo. The difference in agape and phileo is primarily in scope. We Christ followers are to agape-love all people (most importantly our spouses) and phileo love the many we consider our friends. 

There are varying degrees of friendship; we all have some friends who are closer to us than others, and some of us have very, very close friends we deem best friends. To have the best possible marriage, we should each reserve the very best friend spot for our spouse. Two defining friendship factors are, first, that we are always there for each other, whatever the circumstances and, second, that we are able to confide in each other; best friends can share intimate feelings and information with each other that neither can share with anyone else. 

3. Consider your spouse your very closest family member. There’s another Greek word, storge, that represents the family type of love. If agape is for everyone and phileo is for many, storge is for few. Its scope is even smaller than phileo’s because family is even more exclusive than friendship. We have storge love for parents, siblings, children and kinsmen that extend beyond immediate family. 

Marriage was the first human family relationship that God established, and He intends it to be unique in many ways. It’s no accident, but totally logical, that the spouse is considered next of kin and first to receive inheritance. In the family of God, it is the marriage that’s represented by Christ, the bridegroom, and the Church, the Bride of Christ. In an earthly household, unity is primary in importance and husband-wife unity is primary among all the household’s relationships.

4. Pursue intimate spiritual, emotional and physical connection with your spouse. Another Greek word for love is eros. It uniquely includes romance and sex. While agape is for all, phileo is for many, and storge is for few, eros is for one. It cannot be expanded, according to God’s intentions, beyond the one person to whom you exclusively commit your love for life – your spouse. 

Two vitally important truths about eros: 1) it does not work without agape; eros and agape must be intertwined. Otherwise, it will be all about self, which agape prevents. 2) It requires investment; it’s common for couples to invest in eros (being both attractive for and attracted to the spouse) early in the relationship but discontinue that investment as the months and years wear on. That’s a huge mistake. Eros (coupled with agape) protects marriage from sexual immorality and helps spouses maintain the closest possible intimacy, which is a must for the ideal marriage.

Significant and pertinent to this topic, the Bible was written in Greek (the Old Testament translated into Greek from Hebrew a couple hundred years before Christ, who surely spoke Greek as well as Hebrew and Aramaic, and the New Testament was originally written in Greek). I believe Greek was God’s chosen language to express Himself to us in words, one of the reasons being that His idea of love could be well expressed in that language, including, doubtless, love as it relates to marriage.